The what ifs

[Colleens_Husband]

Bill:

I'm not sure 'failure' is the right word or at least it is not the right feeling. Being negative and pessimistic may actually have negative health consequences. Hope is a valuable tool in fighting cancer and I really wouldn't want to take that away from anyone. Remember, as a caretaker your first duty is to do no harm. Are you really in denial if you know there is a possibility of a bad outcome, and you instead choose to make every day a precious thing with the one you love?

I remember reading a survey conducted at the University of Washington Oncology Center about the outcomes of all stages of cancer versus whether the patients believed they were going to survive or not. The results were that survival rates for people who believed they were going to survive, even those with stage IV cancers was much higher than those who didn't think were going to survive. Hope had a positive and measurable effect on the biology of cancer fighting.

So Bill, I would like to think that you weren't in denial. I think you instinctively made a good and altruistic choice in which you made the most of your time with Nicola, and in exchange you brought on a bit of anguish to yourself, in that you had to make some hard decisions when you were isolated, alone, and in anguish.

God forbid any of us are in your shoes, but if we are, I hope we would be brave enough to make the same decisions you did.