I'm really scared, can't stop crying

[Audrey]

Havah, I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time right now, but please don't give up, many people survive years and years with liver mets--I met a woman at the CURE conference last year that was going on year seven with liver mets. She was trying a variety of treatments and taking milk thistle as a supplement. Sounds like you could really use a support group, I agree with the other posters that you might want to check out wellness centers in your area or support groups at your local hospital. When I was first diagnosed and the prognosis was "poor" I fell apart, too...planned my whole funeral, gave stuff away, walked around in a cloud of doom. One day I walked into our local wellness center and just poured my heart out and found so much comfort there. I also started taking really good care of myself--getting massages, etc. to relax and feel better. Finally, I know you're not a religious person, but I have to admit I did find a lot of peace and strength in believing that God was there with me for me to lean on & that we are never really alone. Finally, my doctor recommended an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that really seemed to help me with my feelings of doom. (Paxil) Don't stop reaching out for help, I know you will find something that works for you.

[SoCalGal]

Maybe you live close to one of us. Right now - until you feel more steady - you need to be with someone most of the time. It's really hard to ask friends for what we truly need but most of our friends are happy to give it to us.

The panic at the realization that we might be dying is overwhelming and unmanageable. BUT BUT BUT those feelings will calm down. Everyone is dying. We are just painfully aware of our limited time and it's scary. I struggle against the fear every day of my life. I try different things on different days. Sometimes I am able to remain present and feel faith and hope in the power of healing. Sometimes I melt down like a small child filled with fear and wanting my mommy.

When I am at my worst I reach out to my friends or my guy - sometimes just needing to cry endless tears and have someone just be with me until the grief passes. That is really what we are going through - grief. Grief is a powerful emotion - it comes in giant waves often when we least expect it.

Havah - NO ONE knows what tomorrow holds for them.
My disease is not yet under control and it has been almost a year of stage 4. I too am greatly worried at times - what if - what if - what if? But I fight those fears everyday trying to focus on what IS. I feel fine. I look fine. The sun is shining. My children are healthy. I am surrounded by love and light. It's all a game of the mind. There are many wise words posted here. Print them out and tape them up. Remember you are not alone...

Please post where you live. A her2 friend may be near by.

Flori