I understand being a REALIST, sweet Pink Girl. My darling friend Sue used to back her attitude w/that label. I adored her, and still do, but she did have the most fabulous sense of humor and way of seeing her reality. No anger, no self-pity. That worked for her, along with the love she had with her wonderful husband and for her unmarried Krohn-diseased attorney daughter. Then there was the special love she and I shared that was palpable. Her words are etched into my Soul. When we were too weak to talk we'd write love letters to each other. I saved every one as they made me cry, they touched me so. Her outrage for me, for the indignities I suffered during my chemos, allowed me to simply BE. She took charge of all the anger and bitterness, shielding me from it. She was like a Mother, like a Sister, like a Soulmate. LOVE is deeply healing! I wish each of us the magnificence of knowing such love... My Sue was one of my blessings, to be cherished eternally. In time, I will see her again, and we will rush into one another's arms rapturously...
I also see myself as a *realist*. I am honest w/myself to a point. I never wanted to be protected from the truth of my illness. I needed to know the harsh realities, but I refused to be intimidated by the bad news and poor prognosis. I resisted the notion that it isn't a matter of IF but WHEN ca would recur. I felt I, and the H, and the wisdom of my various oncs, and my supplements, and my husband's loving support could team up and hold the chronic condition in remission.
When I read the stats re my situation, I tossed the bk aside. Dear God. I was doomed, was how it made me feel. My husband likes #s. I gave him the bk, if he wanted, and he did. Because you see, I know I am a living being, not a statistic. I know canser never read a book and has no rule of thumb you can regularly hang your hat on. As you know, every canser is different, every body is different. A hundred different variables counter in and differ from person to person. I know Richard Bloch (of H & R Bloch) had 4th stage lung ca, which is worse, and given mnths to live. Told to put his affairs in order. He declined to accept that. He went on hard chemo for a yr, then opted to continue for another yr, just to be sure he got ev single cell. He meditated, he educated himself, but he used positive mantras and guided imagery and he and his wife Annette fought side by side. 25 yrs later he was still here! I have his bk FIGHTING CANCER which was available free by calling 1 - 800 - 433 - 0464. That was the kind of bk I wanted to read. That and HEALING ESSENCE (Mitchell Gaynor, my NY nutri/onc guru/healer)! (212) 410 - 3820. These were the messages I fed my Soul (or Essence)! And I continue w/bks like the one in the thread about collecting a new bk list...
I do not believe that we must accept our lot passively as predestined. Waiting to be struck yet again. To me, there are several paths we can choose to take that are written in The Book of Life. We have been granted PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT as our intended birthright! We are meant to take the helm of our beingness and make conscious choices. We have the power to heal, instructing our body with our specifically designed thoughts, guiding it to do its job and follow our mind's lead. THE MINDBODY LINK is quite real and astoundingly empowering, I have learned on numerous occasions in my life.
When I have scary, uncertain thoughts, I experience them, as I know stuffing such scenarios and ideas back and down is not healthy. Repressing them is perpetuating the problem, not healing the emotions that are begging to be recognized. But, as soon as I can, I replace the ugly possibilities w/mantras that go like this.
I AM STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. (It is at the very least my goal.) I AM WOUNDED, BUT I WILL SURVIVE. I AM DEEP IN THE WOODS, BUT I AM NOT LOST. THE STORM WILL NOT TOUCH MY CORE. I WILL NOT LET IT. MY ESSENCE IS CALM AND POISED. MY WILL IS GREAT AND SHALL TRIUMPH. THE WILL TO LIVE IS A MIGHTY FORCE. I WILL BE STEADFAST. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED IN THIS STRUGGLE. THE TANGIBLE EVIDENCE OF MY FAITH AND MY EFFORTS LIE BEFORE ME. MY INNER VOICE TELLS ME TO TRUST THAT THIS IS SO. MY SPIRIT WILL NOT BE BROKEN. I AM DILIGENTLY STANDING GUARD.
I AM NOT IN COMPLETE CONTROL, AND THAT IS OKAY. LIFE, AND CANSER, OCCUR. WHAT I CAN CONTROL ARE MY THOUGHTS AND HOW I WILL FACE THIS UNWANTED REALITY. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME DOES NOT DEFINE ME. IT IS HOW I REACT THAT WILL TELL WHO I AM. I AM A POSITIVE ENTITY. I WILL NOT ALTER MY BELIEF SYSTEM. I WILL TEACH MY CHILDREN TO FACE ALL ADVERSITY WITH GRACE AND COURAGE. I WILL DO IT FOR MYSELF AND FOR THEM. THIS IS A CHOICE I CAN MAKE. THIS IS THE CHOICE I MUST MAKE. I WILL LEAD THE WAY, DIRECT MY STEPS, MY MANNER AND MY LIFE.
I KNOW CANSER IS NOT THE ENEMY. FEAR IS MY GREATEST FOE. THE RAVAGING EFFECTS OF CHEMOTHERAPY ARE NOT MY ENEMY. THE CHEMICAL DRUGS ARE MY LIFELINE, PULLING ME THROUGH THE ROUGH WATERS. I WILL NOT DROWN. I WILL HOLD MY HEAD HIGH. I BELIEVE IN THE POWERS BESTOWED ON EACH OF US ALONG WITH OUR BIRTH INTO THIS WORLD. FAITH AND FEAR CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE.
I WILL KNOW AND ENRICH MY GRANDCHILDREN. (I had none when I was dx in '95. I have lived to welcome and become enchanted by 5 beautiful Souls, the children of my children!) How blessed I feel. I have always known that as terrifying as having 4th stage bc is, as horrid as having a breast amputated from my body is -- it could have been so much worse. I truly have felt LUCKY from the beginning. And I truly have lived with an open heart. I have consequently felt the Light and pure unconditional infinite Universal LOVE fill me up to overflowing. A dazzling experience! I offer love generously to all I encounter, as we are each meant to do. Shyness or defensiveness used to hold me back. Now I hug long and hard and often. I say, I LOVE YOU to people I barely know, yet feel a loving wave come over me impelling me to say what I am thinking. I compliment more often. I judge less. We are all One. Kindred Spirits.
I greet each new day seeing its beauty and its radiance. I KNOW that each day is a gift and I am humbly grateful for the good fortune, daily. I am awed each day with the sacredness of Life.
I feed my mind my philosophy. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR, TO BE GRATEFUL FOR. I AM SO BLESSED! SO VERY LUCKY. I CAN WALK AND TALK, FEED AND BATHE MYSELF. I CAN THINK AND COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS. THESE SIMPLE BLESSINGS BRING ENORMOUS QUALITY TO MY LIFE AND JOY TO MY WORLD. I SEE THE SUBLIME IN THE ORDINARY ALL AROUND ME. THE DARKNESS WITHIN DISSOLVES AS MY SPIRIT FILLS WITH THE LIGHT.
WHAT ONE PERSON HAS DONE, ANOTHER CAN DO. I CAN DO THIS. IT IS POSSIBLE. I WILL RELAX, BE STILL FROM DEEP WITHIN IN SILENT MEDITATION. I WILL TAKE A LONG, DEEP BREATH IN, HOLD ON TO IT, AND SLOWLY LET IT OUT, ALONG WITH ALL THE UNWANTED EMOTIONS THAT SWIRL ABOUT WITHIN ME. I KNOW THEY ARE POISONOUS TO MY HEALTH. I HAVE MET THEM AND TALKED THEM THROUGH. WRITTEN THEM DOWN AND RELEASED THEM THOROUGHLY. I AM PATIENT THAT IN TIME, THEY WILL LOSE THEIR GRIP ON ME AND I CAN FREELY LET THEM GO. PEACE WILL OVERCOME ME, AS I LIVE WITH THE CERTAINTY AND JOY OF BEING VICTORIOUS. I LIVE AS IF WHAT I AM CALLING TO ME, WHAT I AM PRAYING FOR, IS ALREADY HERE. I CAN FEEL THE ELATION, AND THAT IS WHAT I LIVE WITH. PERSISTENCE IS MY MANTRA. I WILL SURVIVE. I WILL FOCUS ALL MY ENERGY WITH EACH NEW DAY. AND I WILL ENDURE!
I AM IN A PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL UNFOLDING. I MUST REMEMBER, WHEN ALL IS CALM, WE STAGNATE. I AM BECOMING MORE THAN I WAS, AND FOR THIS I AM GRATEFUL. THOUGH THIS WINDSTORM IS THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF MY LIFE, I WILL STARE IT DOWN. I WILL DO MY VERY BEST. I WILL NOT GIVE IN, NEVER GIVE UP. MY HEART KNOWS THE TRUTH OF MY MY FAITH AND IT WILL GUIDE ME THROUGH. I WILL NOT GIVE MY POWER AWAY TO ANY ONE OR ANY THING. I WILL USE MY POWER OF CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO SEE AND MANIFEST MY DESIRED OUTCOME. WHAT I THINK ALL DAY WILL DETERMINE HOW I WILL FEEL, AND IT WILL SERVE TO PREDICT THE OUTCOME. SO I STAND CLEAR OF FEARFUL MENTAL MEANDERINGS.
I AM NOT BEING TESTED, I AM BEING FORTIFIED. ALL THAT HAS OCCURRED IN MY LIFE WAS MEANT TO BE, TO MAKE ME STRONGER AND MORE COURAGEOUS, SO THAT I WOULD WIN THIS BATTLE FOR MY LIFE. THERE IS A DIVINE PLAN. ALL THAT I SEE IS NOT ALL THAT THERE IS.
I WILL NOT GIVE ONE DAY AWAY TO SADNESS, SORROW, RESENTMENT, ANGER, REMORSE OR THE INABILITY TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE WOUNDED ME. I WILL REACH DEEP DOWN AND COME UP WITH MORE COMPASSION, MORE KINDNESS AND A GREATER ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND. I AM EVOLVING AND GROWING IN MAGNIFICENT WAYS, AS WE ARE EACH MEANT TO DO.
I MUST BE STRONG FOR THOSE WHO WILL COME AFTER ME AND WITH ME. I WILL MOVE AHEAD WITH MY HEART THOUGH MY HEAD SAYS IT CANNOT BE DONE. I AM HEALING BECAUSE I HAVE CHOSEN TO HEAL, AND WILL NOT ACCEPT LESS. LOVE FILLS MY SOUL. THE MORE I GIVE, THE MORE COMES BACK TO ME. THE POWER TO HEAL *IN ALL WAYS* LIVES DEEP WITHIN ME. I MUST CHOOSE TO TAP INTO IT, NOT TO IGNORE ITS AWESOME FORCE, TO CONTINUALLY CALL UPON IT, TO PUSH FORWARD AND UPWARD, EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY. I MUST REMAIN OPEN TO MIRACLES. THEY ARE THERE FOR THE ASKING!
IN ABSOLUTE SILENCE I ALIGN MYSELF WITH MY SOUL. I IDENTIFY MYSELF AS A SOUL, WITH A MIND AND A BODY. I BELIEVE A SOUL IS COMPOSED OF THE ENERGY OF ITS SACRED SOURCE, MAKING EACH OF US LUMINOUS SPIRITUAL BEINGS ON A HUMAN JOURNEY.
I KNOW THAT EVERY THOUGHT HAS THE POWER OF A PRAYER. AND THAT EVERY PRAYER IS A POTENTIAL MIRACLE...
Andi 
Brenda D
Who Are Life's Victors...????????
Andi
Hybrid Mode
