Dear Sisters of our Beloved Jessica (JML)

[Jackie07]

Hi,

Happy Tuesday!

I've posted Jessica's video clips on my FB. I want my friends and families to know the amazing woman Jessica was. I want my nieces to quit complaining about the little things in their life ...

Most of all, I want the world to know that a cancer patient, even at stage IV, can do amazing things in her life. And that the technology and treatment options can give patients who are considered 'terminally ill' a good quality of life.

One thing I did point out was that we needed to be kind and generous toward others. One couldn't have known Jessica was a stage IV fighter just by looking at her - especially when she's teaching! We all need to learn to be considerate toward others - "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Even to a person without cancer! Anyone we meet on the street could have been broke, could have had an accident, could have lost his/her job...

We just never know.

So let's just be kind to everyone that we encounter everywhere, all the time. That is also Jessica's spirit, I believe.

[karen z]

Jackie,
Thanks for such a meaningful post- I truly loved it.
I am working hard to live up to Jessica's and others' expectations of living life more fully and be more generous and kind always.

[KristinSchwick]

That is a beautiful glimpse of an amazing woman. I wish I could have met her and gain some of her advice and wisdom on this journey. For sure we all have much to thank her for as she's paved the way for many of us, through her survival and participation in trails and studies.
Kristin

[karen z]

Jessica was an amazing woman and, like several others on our site, an incredible role model for how to live life to the fullest with a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer (and other stages of cancer). The videos are great to watch and listen carefully to when one is losing faith. Remember that Jessica did not allow us to lose faith.
karen z

[karen z]

I am bumping this up as I think it will help many who have not seen Jessica's videos to watch them. Keep the Faith.........................as Jessica always said.

[linn65]

Karen,

For some reason I can not watch the video's again. I am on my iPad and maybe that's why. I watched them before, but I wanted to re-watch them. I didn't know her on the board, however when she passed away I saw the love that was poured out to her from people on this site. I watched videos, read old posts and wanted to read her story, so I could see what others felt such love and admiration for her and wanted inspired as well. She sounded like a true angel in life and still is in her passing. Jessica touched many people's lives and as you said if we can strive to incooperate those same characteristic's in ourselves and be the best we can be by never giving up, being kind, and try to live our life to the fullest then we can continue to carry out here spirit and touch others lives by example.

[linn65]

Ugh, I had a whole thing typed out, and I hit submit, and I was logged out....

I finally got to watch the video today on my work computer! Jessica is another pioneer paving the road for us all in treatment of Breast Cancer. Hopefully, all her grit, tanicity, and her fighter self will continue to finding ways to cure cancer. Because she went through 100 chemo's and 7 surgeries maybe people that are just given the blow of BC or have reoccurance's decision will be easier because she did trials and never gave up!

In life and in death Jessica's sweet spirit is another person in my life to follow by her example. She was what the true meaing of the term Battling/Fighting Breast Cancer. Simply amazing, and I cannot even begin to imagine what she went through with all her 100 treatments. I wish I would have known her on the forum I would have said Thank You for being such an inspiration with such courage and grace!!

Jessica was an Angel on Earth and in Heaven.

[karen z]

Linn,
Glad you could watch again.
Whenever I get down (and I do......a fair amount....I tend to "run" anxious and depressed) I have been thinking about Jessica. With all she went though (and it was so much, along with some others on the site) her spirit and desire to live happily and bring others happiness helps me put things in perspective. Jessica is/was very inspirational as were others who have also given their all in spirit and kindness. I really look to them as the best role models for myself.

[linn65]

Karen, I cannot imagine it is beyond my thinking with the little bit I went thru it is nothing compared to this. I really have never been a depressed person, but like anyone down days. However, through this depression came, and I feared it would never leave.
I have never had that type of fear before.

I read a blog I wrote today that I wrote in September, and I could see how far emotionally, mentally and physically I have came. I am pushing through and people or video's like Jessica's video, and kind words, funny things help me get through when it is a rough day/week. I am trying to keep my "self talk" in check because my old self would say. You aren't doing good enough and you can do better. Now, I am working on changing it too your doing well and keep it up you are a survivor!

Now, I will have Jessica forever in my head, and I won't tell myself I should feel ashamed and guilty at my behavior or challenges in life. Because it is a slippery slope when the thoughts that have always come to mind of not doing good enough or not having value which I have done it seems my entire life. I am working on changing my self talk! It is much easier to encourage, help or believe in others than it is my own self.

Well, that serves no purpose!!!! It is a good day and it is even Monday.

[karen z]

Linn,
I am working on many of the same issues. I have been anxious for as far back as I can remember (as was my mom and her mom). Although I did get depressed before bc/divorce (not related but occurred the same day in 2005- not kidding you) I found myself about one year after my diagnosis/divorce waking up and realizing all that had happened and would be happening. I never really had time to "grieve" the divorce that first year as I was quite busy with an operation, chemo, Herceptin, radiation...........and on and on (and raising a child- although my child has a dad that is wonderful with her). So, I went on an anti-depressant about a year after everything hit and I must work on my self-talk a lot (alone and often in therapy). I do find that therapy helps and my insurance will cover if the individual is in my plan. But over the last few years- since 2006 or so I have really struggled with depression (and my only daughter is getting ready to go to college out of state!) and things are not the best right now. But, again, I am trying hard to put things in perspective (I am still my daughter's mom- but will live in another state and visit and learn how to Skype; no job is without its major stressors; despite the divorce and feelings of failure that came with it I am a worthy person and try to help others. And, finally, I have many things to be grateful for and I NEED to be grateful for them). So, I find JML a major inspiration as well as many others on the site and amy trying hard to gain perspective and "work on myself". You are not alone.

[linn65]

Well, I am glad we met or whatever you call it on a forum and can encourage one another. BC, Divorce, Empty Nest are big life changing stressors individually and all of them at once is uhm something! I have a therapy appt on the 1st and she said the last time we need to work on things like luggage and do one piece at a time. I have things I can be greatful for too and when you are down it is hard to see the forrest for the trees. Positve Energy like Jessica gave is definately needed, and I want to surround myself with people like her. It doesn't say where you live but if it isn't on the West Coast and it is Midwest than maybe we can meet sometime. I am doing Relay for Life Cancer Walk on August 17th, a Saturday if you are close and would want to come walk with me. Also, I have Skype if you would want to practice with me I could Skype you!! I facetime alot on my Ipad with my Niece she has been a real life saver for me, and I am blessed to have her!! Along with my Sister's and parents. And new friends on this board.

[karen z]

Hi again Linn,
Thanks for your message and I will send a private message in the next day or two. I am so glad you have found a therapist and hope you like the person and feel better when you leave sessions than when you came in (one of my major rules). Always remember that you can "shop" for a therapist the way you can shop for others who are there to help you. Thus far I seem to have had pretty good luck during those times when I have sought out therapy (like now). I usually get recommendations from my "regular" doctors. Although I live in Atlanta ......I am from Ohio (!) and spent the first thirty years of my life there. I was born in Warren, OH (near Youngstown) and the PA border and did my undergrad and grad work in Ohio. I then traveled "all the way" to Detroit for a postdoc at Wayne State. I moved down south strictly for jobs (a am a university professor so one must often take good jobs when they are offered and where they are offered). I am not saying anything negative about Atlanta or Clemson, SC before that but I was quite happy up north and felt very comfortable there. Interestingly, one of the schools my daughter received a nice merit offer was Ohio Wesleyan U. in Deleware, OH!!! Plus, she fell in love with it (I was secretly very very happy about this as the alternative was going to be even further away in Texas) I think Deleware, OH is about four hours from you. So, we may very well (more in the p.m.) get a chance to meet up half way or so on one of my visits. And my daughter will soon set me up and teach me how to Skype. I am an older mom so despite my constant use of computers for writing/teaching at the university level I don't have "fun" with them too often (I am also pretty "out of the loop" on other entertaining/helpful electronics. But that will change. More in my private message soon. Best,
karen z

[linn65]

Very good look forward to hearing from you! Your daughter must get her intelligence from her Mamma!

My son is going to William Jewell in Liberty, MO to play Division 2 basketball on a full ride scholarship, so that was a HUGE blessing because it is a beautiful and awesome school. If he had to go on his grades from highschool which aren't horrible because NCAA requires you to have 2.7 or up but if they based it on grades alone he wouldn't have been able to get in. However, the academics at this school are outstanding!!

My new AVI picture is what he surprised me with 2 days before he left for summer school in MO. The coach wanted him to have transition to college, and Strength and Conditioning all summer to prepare for bball. One thing I am THRILLED about (another blessing) is I can watch all his games online. Oh and I don't have any Tattoo's but it is his way of expressing himself, I guess.

My Therapist is wonderful, and I went to her 2 years ago it was the first time I had ever went to one. I have went to her once recently and going again on the 1st. It is hard to get in because I can't use my vacation time for that because it goes towards treatments. But she is good enough to schedule me in after I get off work, and I have to drive to Illinois which is a half hour away. I told her she needed to start counseling on Skype and she might down the road. I know I would sure be able to do that much easier then going to an appt.

Anyway, have a great rest of the day!

[karen z]

Hi Linn,
It is a HUGE blessing about William Jewel College and a full-ride scholarship. OMG. What I wouldn't do for a full-ride scholarship for my daughter. She has a merit scholarship and we have been given some need-based support but her father and I will still have to come up with a fair amount of funds (which I am a bit concerned about) ! It looks like William Jewel and Ohio Wesleyan have some important things in common - and they are both great schools. They are both liberal arts colleges (which I had personally hoped for), they (like many LACS) are smallish with small classes and great faculty to student ratios (looks like WJ has about 1060 students and OWU has about 1,800 students). And I am guessing the campus at WJ is also beautiful, in looking at the pictures (and they are both out of state-- that is one of the things I am struggling with...... despite the great blessings. I don't feel ready and it is much harder being completely alone). I actually thought that my daughter might have a chance at a volleyball scholarship but (1) she really is not competitive enough and (2) she developed some back issues (lumbar 5) so decided she didn't want to play and possibly be in pain again (she is fine now). I, too, was a bit worried about her high school grades. In my daughter's case her grades in 9th and 10th grades were not the best (she went to a very rigorous private high school that was quite different from her middle school) but she "took off" in 11th and 12th grades and blossomed big time. It was clear that some of the schools that offered her merit money looked at the "whole child" and really rewarded the good things (within and outside of the classroom) she was doing during her last two years (and her standardized test scores were fine) So..............despite all of our other problems (o.k., I am counting not being able to see my daughter daily as one of my largest stressors right now) we ARE very blessed indeed. Our children have gotten into excellent schools and have been given incredible opportunities to flourish. Although Google suggests that the drive from Atlanta to Delaware, OH is about 8.5 hours..............it seems more like 9 or 9.5 hours to me. I am trying to get used to the drive! Have now been to OWU twice (the first visit and the first orientation). I LOVE it there, as my daughter and her dad. I am guessing you may feel the same way about your son's new school. We need to focus on this great opportunity for them (and, of course, visit and Skype as much as possible). So glad that you have found a great therapist. Going to one can help tremendously. Keep going when you can after work and perhaps at some point your therapist might consider therapy through Skype (something my daughter is going to set up for me and teach me soon). Take care and good night.

[linn65]

I have not been to the WJ campus yet, but I am hoping too soon!! My son told me that it was better this way anyway...He said Mom this way when you come I will know where things are and be able to show you around better. He knew how hard it was for me not being the one going!! He played AAU in highschool, and his junior year we were going 9 weekends in a row in a gym! I was the one that took him and his Dad worked, but he did pay for us to go because I could not have afforded all of those games/food/hotels.

When he went this summer which thank God he did! Because after being there 24 hours he was texting me and telling me he hated it and wanted to come home. My heart dropped and thought oh boy this is too soon for that too happen. The scholarship he got was 40 grand and he will get 3 meals a day during the week, and 2 a day on the weekends (he said the food was great). Well, I had to give every positive, encouraging word I could think of to keep him in school. Without just telling him okay you can come home. Because you and I both know later in life he would regret that more than anything.

For the first whole week he wanted to come home! He had no friends, had never been 7 hours away from home knowing he was not coming home, in a place he had never been. Finally, after he went to an open gym, talked to the coach he was feeling better!! Than he was okay, and started to adjust being independent!! Three weeks later he acutally CALLED ME not just text and talked my head off for about an hour. Oh that was the best day ever just hearing his voice and what he was doing day to day.

It sounds like we both love are kids a WHOLE LOT!! To bad they don't live in the same area they could meet and maybe date...haha. He is going to get his degree in business!!

[karen z]

Hi Linn,
Your son's experience is pretty common. I know that I initially called my mom every day (no texting back in the day) and talked to her because I was so lonely and miserable. AND......I was less an hour away from home in Ohio and had an older brother who was already at the school. This went on for awhile until I met the woman (really girl back then) that ended up being my best friend (a chance meeting while both of us were waiting to get into the showers in the dorm "communal" bathroom). Having just one good friend made all the difference in the world. Once your son gets some structure (it sounds like he is now starting to get it) with regular work outs and practices, he will feel better. And he will start to make friends and feel like he really belongs and can contribute. Both of our kids are quite lucky in that their schools are not massive like mine was. They will have an easier time meeting people to hang out with. The scholarship for your son is simply awesome. This is quite a chance for him at a very very good highly ranked national school. And he is right. He will feel very proud showing you around when you get to the campus. Yes, I think we love our kids very much. Honestly, I am so happy and excited for my daughter but simply dreading the days when she will not be living at home and will be so many hours from home. Our worlds will certainly change quite a lot but we need to try and stay positive for them (like the airplane message says......put the oxygen mask on yourself and then your child.......so you can truly help your child). I am trying hard to focus on that now. My daughter plans on majoring in psychology (like both parents!) and "pairing" it (OWU's term) with pre-law.