Finding Little Comfort in the Statistics of Survival
From my perspective -- your Soul is never depressed. It is a piece of sacred energy from our Creator. It is divine and full of extraordinary love, wisdom and power.
It is the voice in our heads that makes us feel depressed, angry, wounded, lost and alone.
When we begin to identify ourSelves as a radiant, holy Spirit, we start to see others as kindred Spirits. We respond to others with more compassion, more caring, gentleness and forgiveness. We begin to feel full of joy and awe (finding the sublime in the ordinary). We feel more like our True Selves. We feel elevated. We become our Higher Selves. Full of love and gratitude for the simplest of gifts.
We can walk, and talk, feed and clothe ourselves. Bathe ourselves. Converse with others!! How blessed we are.
And we can consciously choose to fill our thoughts with ideas and mantras, images and passionate desires that evoke happy, serene feelings.
As I become One with All That Is, I align mySelf with my Soul, and see the world through its eyes.
I Know the voice in my head is ego speaking. A primal phase of my beingness. It whines and complains, it criticizes and reprimands, belittles and demands. I consciously choose to reject its whimperings and taunts. I will not allow its voice to be heard over the voice of my Spirit.
And, I've learned all this since my dx in '95. My evolution accelerated in '98 w/my recurrence. It all had to happen, to bring me to where I am today.
I'm just saying...
Maybe my words will help lift up some other Souls on this site. That is my prayer...
Love much,
Andi
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...
'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...
Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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