I'm trying to think positive

chrisy · 02-14-2010, 04:36 PM

Hi Skip,

First of all, thanks Lee (colleen's husband) for the encouraging post. We all need that from time to time. Most of the time in fact!

Skip, its pretty hard to get your head around a Stage IV diagnosis - let alone your hope. That's without being surrounded with dear family members fighting other battles.

Your wife has really only just started actively engaging this battle - barely 2 weeks into therapy. I can only vaguely remember how I felt at that stage of the game. I know I cried a lot, and bounced around between disbelief, dismay, determination, denial, and doubt.

I, too, looked for hope wherever - probably the least successful place was the "mentor" from the local cancer center who was a long term ovarian cancer survivor. She was inspiring right up until she told me she had to drop out of the advanced cancer support group because it was all these women dying of breast cancer. Hello!!!!!???? What an idiot!

So not all "support" experiences are necessarily helpful.

There are long term survivors of Stage IV disease, including to the liver. Maybe your wife can just consider this: some people ARE "cured". Why not her.
You sometimes hear people talk about how it's bad to have false hope. I think they are wrong. Hope is good, and it's reasonable to have hope (since you KNOW there are already long term survivors - and there is so much exciting research in this area!) It's far worse to have false despair. I used to make myself laugh, realizing how stupid I'd feel if I lived another 30 years but wasted it all thinking about dying.

Try not to dwell on the worst possibilities (at least not all the time). Instead, try and imagine how WELL the chemo is working...while you wait for the proof which will come with the next scan.

You know, if she has liver-only disease, she may be a candidate for (curative) local treatment, too.

Right now, your beautiful wife needs to just put one foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out. It's not necessary or even possible to have a positive attitude all the time.

Just allow the tiniest space for the possibility...

Do not lose heart,
Chris

Chelee · 02-14-2010, 06:38 PM

Skip,
It's hard enough being dx with Her2 breast cancer...but being told your stage IV from the get go is so scary. I couldn't even think straight when I was first told...the places your mind go too. Your entire world is turned upside down overnight. There is just no way to explain it unless you have had to walk in those shoes. The wide range of emotions that consume you. Unfortunetly I can remember exactly how I was feeling...and it wasn't pretty. From crying to total meltdown at times. Nothing anyone said to me helped at first. I don't think I felt better until I started treatment--I was finally fighting the beast.

Be careful of the phone support. I tried 3 different organizations & it didn't work out for me. Biggest problem was they all promised to match me up with someone with my "same" dx. Wks would go by and they could never find anyone for me. (I was stage III, Her2 at that time) Well my fear was that, "there weren't any women for me because they all passed away." That is where my mind went & only validated my fears that I would not make it. (Even though I know better then that now.) So make "those" kind of calls for your wife and screen then carefully! This Her2 support board has helped me more then anything else.

I did want to mentioned there are several stage IV women here that have had mets to liver and are doing great! One of them is named Kim...user name is "mamacze". She had mets to lungs and liver in 2004 and is still "NED" (No evidence of disease!) Another is Colleen and she is 4.5 yrs out and doing well. Your wife is so blessed to have you by her side helping her thru this. Support is so important. Lets us know of any way we can help

Chelee