Hi Snufi
I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible time. I know it must be like falling in a pit of pain and misery without being able to see a way out.
You may not need to decide about changing your plan right now. There are ways to combat these awful side effects, and I think that perhaps you should give your doctors a chance to help you get through this. The protection Tamoxifen would give you may not be enough. You will have to weigh this carefully once your symptoms subside. I know that right now you can't think this through because of the pain. Give it a little time. Say, a week. See how you feel then and discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible. Make an appointment and tell him/her how you feel. But right now the best thing you can do is make yourself as comfortable as possible. Collect information from this site and other sites on how best to prepare yourself for chemo, how to minimize side effects, and discuss this with your doc.
Some patients really cannot tolerate chemo, or a certain kind of chemo and their treatment plan needs to be adjusted.
I know my mom's was adjusted several times. She was very, very sick. But she got through it somehow, by taking it one step at the time. She created a support team that helped her through the worst days. It was Hell. Sorry. I don't have another word for it. But it did give her quality time with her only grandchild, and she was delighted to know that I was pregnant again. That got her through chemo.
Perhaps it might help you to find some treat, something special to look forward to when this is over.
And if all this fails, you can always fall back on Tamoxifen. It's not perfect, it's not the best protection you can have, but at least it is something.
I can't remember what your ER/PR status is. Or your age. Are you premenopausal? You might want to consider suppressing your ovaries and try an Aromatase Inhibitor instead of Tamoxifen.
Please know that we are here for you. This too shall pass. One day it will all be behind you. Hang in there!
Hugs
Jacqueline
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Diagnosed age 44, January 2004, 0.7 cm IDC & DCIS. Stage 1, grade 3, ER/PR pos. HER2 pos. clear margins, no nodes. SNB. 35 rads. On Zoladex and Armidex since Dec. 2004. Stopped Zoladex/Arimidex sept 2009 Still taking mistletoe shots (CAM therapy) Doing fine.
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