What to say when someone is losing their battle?

[PinkGirl]

Hi
I recommend two very good books by Dr. Robert Buckman. One is called "Cancer is a Word not a Sentence", and the other is "I Don't Know What to Say". I can sort of paraphrase some of the info from the books:

- make yourself comfortable, take your coat off so your friend knows that you want to be there with her; try to act "at ease".

-it is more important to listen than to try and find the right thing to say. Always ask if the person wants to talk. Use techniques like nodding, smiling and repeating some of her words so she knows you are hearing her, understanding her and listening to her.

-always acknowledge the existence of her emotions - it's okay to say "this must be very hard for you" or "this is very sad".

-it's okay to be silent - just hold her hand and make eye contact.

-acknowledge humor if she is dealing with things that way

-end with a clear contract - "I'll see you on Friday" or "I'll call you next week".

Hope this helps somewhat. The jist of it was that there is no magical, profound thing to say. Just be there and listen.