I just want to be normal

[SoCalGal]

Good answer on the 47 years...one question, why are you taking so many tykerb pills? I thought the clinical trial was 5 a day. Just curious - my doc cut me down to 4 a day, which is making me nervous but the 5 a day were making me too sick. Are you handling 6 a day?

I like your photo

[chrisy]

Flori, the clinical trial I am on (Avastin/Tykerb) is 6 Tykerb a day, possibly to get an extra boost as there is no chemo in this regimen. I'm handling it fine, have very few side effects except a very occasional diva thing, which is easily managed with immodium. I think maybe this combo is more easily tolerated then the Xeloda which, after all, IS chemo. Also, one of the possible side effects of Avastin is constipation - so maybe it averages out with the Tykerb to create "NORMAL" digestive processes!

Oh, there goes yet another "normal" we can't take for granted any more!

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I too am addicted to this site. What remarkable women! The new normal is so as all you describe. Omega 3s good, 6s bad, eat fish not meat, take your supplements (2 doz in AM, after empty stomach 8 + 2 doz PM +++). + Vit H ev 3 wks, which is great since 4 yrs of ev wk was wearing. I made my mammog appt for June '08, counting out ev 3 wks carefully to get it right. Thursdays are good for Paul and he is my companion on all chemos/monoclonal antibody treatments, every test, mammog, scan, sono, etc. Love that man. Makes me feel less "alone" w/the (whispered, horrifying ca...).

When people ask, You're STILL on chemo??! How long do you have to stay on it? I answer, smiling, after a pause to get their full attention and draw them into my serenity -- FOREVER... Still smiling. They respond, For ever... They turn their heads away and stare blankly at nothing, pondering the enormity. Then they look back at me. You're amazing! I laugh (knowing all my weak moments of fear, doubt, uncertainty). No really you are. Look at you. You've always got a smile on your face. And this is true. I monitor my thoughts. I weed out the funky ones, esperience them, vent them, type them out or write them down if need be and then release them. I consciously choose not to allow negativity to rent space in my brain. I choose not to remain a victim. I choose to see myself as a remarkable exclamation point with a smiley face and peace in my heart. I have finally learned to release all my yesterdays, all my anger, blame, fury, resentment, unforgivingness. I have let it all go. It is useless and not productive. I LIVE IN THE NOW, as Eckhardt Tolle so brilliantly suggests in his book The Power of Now. I look tomorrow with belief that it will be good. I take nothing for granted. I am grateful with each day for the gift of the day. I say THANK YOU to the Universe. I have a little pewter figure on bended knee, hands outstretched, palms down, forehead to the floor. That is how appreciative and aware I am of the joy of living. I also have a pewter thumbs up hand beside it, to remind me that I am doing a good job. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN WITH EACH DAY, AND I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EACH DAY MY BEST MAY CHANGE. And that's okay.

None of us signed up for this gig. Who wants to get the cancer? Oh me, me... I didn't raise my hand and volunteer. But I can honestly say tht I've gained so much, come to know some truly incredible people, present company included to be sure, grown and evolved to be so much more than I ever was, and that was pretty good. I feel a sense of Self that I never had before. I am a Soul. I have a body and a mind. And I know my mind can direct and guide my body to respond in accordance w/its' wishes. I am aware of all bodily changes and question it all, trying not to be paranoid but vigilant. I regularly meditate, knowing that nourishes my Spirit, which in turn keeps me strong and brave, determined and full of faith. That's faith in my own EMPOWERMENT! We each have been given such powers as our birthright. It is up to humankind to evolve to the point that we become aware of our innate and unused abilities and employ them for our full benefit, as it was always intended for us to do. I rejoice over this Awakening. I share it with every one I meet!

I pogram my thoughts intentionally with pure loving positivity. I use guided imagery to further feed my "being" with emotions that are blissful, harmonious, humbly grateful and full of awe at the beauty that surrounds us.

I pray for this new normal to bless your lives, my sweet Soul Sisters. Cancer has never read a book. It follows no true rules it seems. But we can write our own book on our own cancer and become pleasantly surprising miracles in our own right. I believe that with all my heart. I have a 10 pound rock that has the words BELIEVE etched into it. I used to keep it on my center island in my kitchen (one of the busiest rooms of my house) -- in my face, reminding me to BELIEVE. I now have it by my front door as you enter. I am asking each of you to push your snarly thoughts over a cliff and BELIEVE. Please don't go in to the how many more years do I have left. I had such a moment, making my June '08 mammog appt. How dare I dream? What audacity to plan so far in advance! Then, I said, I'm putting it on my calendar, knowing that if it is on my calendar, I will be there no matter what. Just keep shoving those ugly moments away and savor The Now, which happiness dwells... LOVE Y'ALL always, ANDI

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

I too am addicted to this site. What remarkable women! The new normal is so as all you describe. Omega 3s good, 6s bad, eat fish not meat, take your supplements (2 doz in AM, after empty stomach 8 + 2 doz PM +++). + Vit H ev 3 wks, which is great since 4 yrs of ev wk was wearing. I made my mammog appt for June '08, counting out ev 3 wks carefully to get it right. Thursdays are good for Paul and he is my companion on all chemos/monoclonal antibody treatments, every test, mammog, scan, sono, etc. Love that man. Makes me feel less "alone" w/the (whispered, horrifying ca...).

When people ask, You're STILL on chemo??! How long do you have to stay on it? I answer, smiling, after a pause to get their full attention and draw them into my serenity -- FOREVER... Still smiling. They respond, For ever... They turn their heads away and stare blankly at nothing, pondering the enormity. Then they look back at me. You're amazing! I laugh (knowing all my weak moments of fear, doubt, uncertainty). No really you are. Look at you. You've always got a smile on your face. And this is true. I monitor my thoughts. I weed out the funky ones, esperience them, vent them, type them out or write them down if need be and then release them. I consciously choose not to allow negativity to rent space in my brain. I choose not to remain a victim. I choose to see myself as a remarkable exclamation point with a smiley face and peace in my heart. I have finally learned to release all my yesterdays, all my anger, blame, fury, resentment, unforgivingness. I have let it all go. It is useless and not productive. I LIVE IN THE NOW, as Eckhardt Tolle so brilliantly suggests in his book The Power of Now. I look tomorrow with belief that it will be good. I take nothing for granted. I am grateful with each day for the gift of the day. I say THANK YOU to the Universe. I have a little pewter figure on bended knee, hands outstretched, palms down, forehead to the floor. That is how appreciative and aware I am of the joy of living. I also have a pewter thumbs up hand beside it, to remind me that I am doing a good job. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN WITH EACH DAY, AND I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT EACH DAY MY BEST MAY CHANGE. And that's okay.

None of us signed up for this gig. Who wants to get the cancer? Oh me, me... I didn't raise my hand and volunteer. But I can honestly say tht I've gained so much, come to know some truly incredible people, present company included to be sure, grown and evolved to be so much more than I ever was, and that was pretty good. I feel a sense of Self that I never had before. I am a Soul. I have a body and a mind. And I know my mind can direct and guide my body to respond in accordance w/its' wishes. I am aware of all bodily changes and question it all, trying not to be paranoid but vigilant. I regularly meditate, knowing that nourishes my Spirit, which in turn keeps me strong and brave, determined and full of faith. That's faith in my own EMPOWERMENT! We each have been given such powers as our birthright. It is up to humankind to evolve to the point that we become aware of our innate and unused abilities and employ them for our full benefit, as it was always intended for us to do. I rejoice over this Awakening. I share it with every one I meet!

I pogram my thoughts intentionally with pure loving positivity. I use guided imagery to further feed my "being" with emotions that are blissful, harmonious, humbly grateful and full of awe at the beauty that surrounds us.

I pray for this new normal to bless your lives, my sweet Soul Sisters. Cancer has never read a book. It follows no true rules it seems. But we can write our own book on our own cancer and become pleasantly surprising miracles in our own right. I believe that with all my heart. I have a 10 pound rock that has the words BELIEVE etched into it. I used to keep it on my center island in my kitchen (one of the busiest rooms of my house) -- in my face, reminding me to BELIEVE. I now have it by my front door as you enter. I am asking each of you to push your snarly thoughts over a cliff and BELIEVE. Please don't go in to the how many more years do I have left. I had such a moment, making my June '08 mammog appt. How dare I dream? What audacity to plan so far in advance! Then, I said, I'm putting it on my calendar, knowing that if it is on my calendar, I will be there no matter what. Just keep shoving those ugly moments away and savor The Now, which happiness dwells... LOVE Y'ALL always, ANDI

[SoCalGal]

ANDI...
I want to be YOU. That's all I can say after reading your post. I'm going to read your words everyday until I get it right.

I've got to get rid of more negativity and call into my life more of the things I desire and deserve. I know I can make it happen.

Thanks for a great post!
Flori

[Andrea Barnett Budin]

YES, FLORI! I *KNOW* YOU CAN DO IT. BECAUSE I SENSE YOUR TRUE DESIRE TO OVERCOME YOUR GNARLY, SNARLY NEGATIVITY. You know it is not good for health. It is, in fact, hazardous to your health. So, in accordance w/doing every thing within your power to be well and healthy, to be joyful and in sync with the Universe. That's precisely what I wish for every woman on this board! Much loving energy being sent you way, Flori. Do you *feel* it?! (Wanted to insert a smiley face here. HOW DO YOU DO THAT, ANYWAY?) ANDI

[SoCalGal]

When you use the colon: combined with the close parenthesis), the site automatically converts it into a smiley face This does not happen until you hit reply (magic).

[hutchibk]

Cool - I didn't know that, Flori, thanks!