I'm a support person, but I'm confused!

[Barbara H.]

HI,
You certainly are a wonderful friend. The members who have already written have given you wonderful advice. Two and a half years ago I had a recurrance with a 3cm tumor to my brain along with liver, lung, skin, and mets through out my lymph system. I had brain surgery and a month later my oncologist started me on Herceptin alone because he wanted me to enjoy my daugter's wedding. It turned out that the Herceptin alone took care of all the visible mets until March of this past year when I developed minimal bone mets in three places. Unfortunately, I had to add Navelbine to the mix, but it has worked. I initially was diagnosed in May of 98 and as Stage 3A, Herceptin was not available to me then. Nevertheless, now at stage 4 I continue to teach third grade full time, take graduate courses each year, and live a full life. I am now 58 and not thinking about retirement any time soon. Your friend needs to get to a cancer center where they offer her hope. Yes, stage 4 does have a stinky prognoses, but there are plenty of women that have been on Herceptin for years with stage 4 who are still around. And, now they have a new drug, Tykerb, soon to be approved that crosses the blood brain barrier. In spite of my deplorable condition a few years back, my oncologist told my husband that I could have years. At this point your friend is probably in shock, and is thinking mostly about her children. Since she has just recently been diagnosed for the first time, she should probably add other treatment options to the Herceptin. Good luck to you and your firend. If you can do anything to help her, it would help her to start reading the member profiles on this site and to perhaps join and get some support. Statistically, people who are more informed about their disease survive longer. Again, I wish you and your friend all the best.
Barbara H.

[Sandy H]

I can say "Amen" to all the advice given here. I am also a supporter and it is hard to some times feel like I am giving the kind of support they need. You can't give up she needs you more now then ever. Keep pointing out to her those here that were given a death sentence, told to get their affairs in order. I am one of those and boy, that first year was a wild rollar coaster ride for me and my family!! I did not have the support that I have now or did I know anything about cancer. I had worked in a hospital but saw the bad ones and not the good ones. My impression was not a good one. Besides no one, but God, knows when we will die!! I am with the others here she needs to start aggressive chemo now and hit it hard. Wishing you all the best. Start praying and you will be led and know what to do. hugs, Sandy

[Bev]

It sounds like you are hurt she took a week to tell you. I have a weird tendency to keep things to myself too. Don't want others to feel sorry for me. I can do that pretty well myself.

Things you can do: Keep on this site so you can learn what treatments might be worthwhile and push her to try different ones. Do a trial or compassionate care tykerb. Asco info will be out in Dec for all the latest and greatest. Driving and hanging out at treatments if she's open to it are good. Dinners, errands, stuff with the kids, yeah. I think she'll tell you if you're doing too much. Be there, she'll talk when she's ready.

Her world has been turned upside down. She's entered a place you can't be. She probably feels like what difference does it make if she has brain mets if all the other crap is going to kill her first? But you have also gone somewhere else as a friend. Thanks for helping her. She really needs other opinions and aggressive care

Like others have said, there's no telling how long you have. If you stick your head in the sand, it will be less. Best of luck. BB

Keep us posted. It can be beat or delayed.