It's been awhile

Hi all of you amazing people! i have been very busy trying to live life. Single mom, 2kids, 2 jobs in the cancer field, etc. I have been doing so well with the cancer until now. If some of you may recall i had humongous and multiple liver mets and small lung spots. I did taxotere and xeloda added herceptin and responded fabulously. Being er+/pr+ i swtiched to femara (chemo seemed to have made me menopausal). After about a year I started to cycle again proving that I was not menopausal. I began zoladex every 28 days and continued on the femara until last summer when there seemed to be a smidge of progression so we switched to aromasin. As time has passed it seems i am still not menopausal and we upped the zoladex to every 3 weeks. i have been hesitant to get the oophers out as i am quite attached to my femininity (earth mama, homebirth, chilbirth education, blah, blah, blah). So I have been dinkin' around with this hormone thing and now it seems I went too far. I woke up monday at 5:00 am with this stitch like pain in my side and it wouldn't go away, so I had an impromptu scan yesterday. My last one was 3 months ago and I was VLED, my markers have been normal for quite awhile with a slight elevation the last time about a month ago. So the verbal report from the rad to the onc was " there is a lesion right on the surface of the liver and there seems to be progression". i go in at 3:30 to day to discuss treatment options and all they told me on the phone is that they think i would really benefit from chemo. That scares me as I'm now afraid it is really progressing to bigger proportions. Is that possible in 3 months time? I would really like to get the ovaries removed-like today- and figure out the hormonals and go on, with herceptin of course.

i also have been noticing a wierd feeling in my hip, but bery off and on. I have chalked it up to actonel and aromasin side effects, but now I am thinking I need a bone scan and that has me freaked out too.

And I know that you all know this feeling, when there is a setback. I feel like I am losing this battle and how many times can i beat this? I have been blessed with such a phenomenal quality of life and I have gotten quite used to it. i felt like i was getting my life back together, although just like when i was rediagnosed, I am working myself crazy and hating that I don't spend the time with my kids like i used to. my girls are 8 and 6 and I HAVE to see them grow up, get married, get divorced, and live happily ever after like everybody else (kidding). I want to be an old grandmother, no different from any of you of course.

I need to be reminded that this is doable and that people do live a long time. i am very active in researching the newer breakthroughs, trials etc. i know that there are many exciting things going on. i just need real people to tell me how great life can be and how mangeable this is.

I recommend this site to so many of my clients as after all of my research and work in the breast cancer field, I feel this one is the most supportive and most knowledgable of all of the sites out there. Thank you to all of you for what you do for all of us in the club!

whew...thanks, joy