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Hello, Im new to the board but have been reading messages every day. I greatly admire the courage of everyone here. You ladies are so strong, that somehow you infuse your courage in me.
Im newly [Jan 2004] diagnosed with bc: ER/PR both strongly positive, her2neu +3, Grade III tumor, 2.5 cm, multifocal with 2 smaller tumors [3 and 4 mm] and node negative. I have had bilateral mastectomy with the immediate free TRAM flap 4 weeks and am still recovering from the surgery.
I would love to get into the herceptin trial but dont know if I will. So my question is: do any of you ladies know any oncologists who will prescribe herceptin off-protocol in the Washington D.C. area? I have so far approached 3 oncologists, none of whom will agree to do so.
I would also like to know if any of you have kind and caring oncs in the DC area. One of the oncs. I went to gave a long lecture as to how he could be investigated by the AMA board for not giving the same standard of treatment to ALL his patients. He bluntly told me that even with treatments, I had more than a 30% chance of getting BC back in 5 years! He scared me so much I ran out of his office sobbing like a kid. The 2nd onc. did not seem to have the time to talk to me. The 3rd onc was a bit more responsive but would not give me herceptin off protocol.
I am even willing to travel short distances [upto New York], if I can get it every 3 weeks...cant afford the every week type thing.
Finally, I am having some really bad depression mood swings. I cried nonstop for 6 weeks after my diagnosis...in public places such as grocery stores, privately and in front of my kids [ages 11,13 and 17]. I was fine a week before and 3 weeks after my surgery. Now for the past week I am again sinking into deep depression. I take effexor and wellbutrin, but it does not help. I read everyone's stories on these and other boards, and find it sooooo sad reading about young women with mets and very young children. Knowing that my case has great prognosis does not help. I feel so badly that so many women are suffering so much. And I dont understand where their courage comes from.
I dont talk about my feelings to anyone, since all my friends and family expect me to be strong...I have always been strong... but I cant seem to be able to cope much lately....I put on a great front, but Im dying inside...
so0rry for the long-winded email. I just hope that each and everyone of us can grow up to be little old ladies....
Anita
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