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Well, my high hopes just got dashed. Was randomized onto the "observation" arm of the adjuvant herceptin study. There goes any hope of changing my odds. The only reason that I'm not walking out of the study is that if I do, two other poor people in my exact position on the "receiving" arm will not be getting their chance.
Couldn't find a doc up here in Canada who would give it off protocol.
Sat there and listened to the doc feed me the "... it's (herceptin) there if you need it..." script which is of course a bunch of pacifying bull-@#%@ since if you "need" it you are stage 4 with mets and you are probably on your way out with a bunch of chemotherapy to prolong your suffering.
I am so furious right now I don't know what to do. All's I know right now is that this study will never benefit me in any tangible manner. If it works, I will still only be getting the old method which is to receive herceptin AFTER mets occure. (Which of course will enragingly be just the ticket to prove that herceptin works for the lucky ones that get it) I feel that I have been practically given a death sentence for the "greater good". (I know, I know that I should still have hope; but a 1 in 3 chance of mestastizing seem pretty like pretty @#%@ty odds to me).
I've been in a rage/dispare for three days now. It seems so unfair. Has anyone got any words for me?
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