|
Skin rash progressing- need some encouragment
Past few weeks have been tough knowing my diseases have progressed and learning about Christie's passing. It seems selfish whining about my rash as so many others are dealing bravely with more serious problems but I really feel scared and this is the place where I can share my feelings with people in the same situation.
Long story short- 2 months ago new red rash started appearing on my cancer breast. About one month ago I showed it to my oncologist who thinks it looks more like a broken vessel not cancer. So I went on my 4 week vacation and came back yesterday looking at myself again and again only to confirm it has gotten even worse. If it were a broken vessel it would have healed in 4 weeks at least got better but it didn't. The redness now covers almost half of my breast and slowly crawling toward the other breast. I have a few appointments next week including an appointment with a surgeon for a punch biopsy.
I guess the plan is to change chemo again. I am very scared and tired at this point although I still have quite a few options available. My hair has finally grown long enough for a pony tail and I was hoping things wouldn't change so fast that I could have surgery and get off chemo. I know having a negative thought does not help its hard not to when your hopes are let down. On one hand I feel so hopeless and done with this cancer thing, on another hand there are so many others living a quality life with cancer and finally get to NED. It could be me too. I start to understand why some people choose to quit treatment because it just never ends and at some point you tell yourself that's it I'm done. It's amazing there are quite a few miracle ladies on this forum. Their stories light up hope for so many of us. My heart saddens when I hear about people stopping responding to chemo drugs and some are diagnosed at a less severe stage.
My almost 7 year old daughter wrote me a note while I was gone. She wrote " mom I miss you. I hate being without you. I hope you have a safe flight home..." I was tearful when I read the note and wondered what if mom can't be there for you someday.
I guess each time our diseases progresses we panic and then we get treatment, we feel better and more hopeful. I am also debating whether I should quit working and get on social security. I have worked for about 9 years figured it qualifies me for disability if I become disabled at 38. I tried to work full time and maintain a normal life as my way of dealing with cancer. Now I am just so worn out and concentrating on my healing is more important. I read Jessica's post that she is applying for ss after more than 10'years. She is such a fighter!
Any thoughts comments are appreciated.. Thanks for listening...
__________________
1/11 age 36 DX
ER/PR-, Her2 +
TCH*6, Herceptin
BMX with immediate recontruction 5/2011 Lattismus Flap- Dx stage 3c 10/23 nodes
9/11 Radiation
3/12 Local recurrence to skin stage IV
Whole body scan CLEAR
4/12 Tykerb & Xeolda Skin mets slowly regressing
8/12 PET & Brain CT Clear
5/13 Skin mets progressing
6/13 PET scan chestwall recurrence in contralateral anxillary,internal mammary and ipsilateral subpectoral nodes
6/13 kadcyla
10/13 whole body scan -clear NED. previously resolved skin rash gone but 3 new lesions. Biopsy confirmed for skin recurrence
11/13 to 02/14 tykerb & herceptin
02/14 add abraxane/gemzar, 2 weeks on 1 week off at reduced dose
05/14 whole body PET clear/ brain CT clear but skin mets are getting worse, ready for new chemo
05/14 navelbine perjeta herceptin
07/14 skin mets progressing red rash worse
08/14 wide local excision with diep flap to close wound. Final path shows 2 positive margins showing inflammatory carcinoma Going back to surgery in 2 weeks
09/01/14 resection- clear margins
3 weeks after 2nd surgery, a new nodular rash found near drain incision with 2 small red spots behind the chest wall biopsy on 10/1. Positive for breast cancer
Radiation 11/2014 with xeloda then weekly cisplatin
11/14 brain MRI clean
12/14 finished 33 radiations burnt and very painful. Bedridden for 1 week
12/14 t current Herceptin and perjeta only
02/15 rash on upper back right side skin mets radiation planned
02/15 staring electron radiation *35
Stopped at 30 due to severe skin burn, resumed 10 days later
05/15 red patches appeared in between previously radiated area, skin mets. Ct and brain Mri clear. Simulation planned, radiation to start after trip to Alaska.
05/24 new spot identified in scar line on previously radiated reconstructed breast- electron on both side chest wall area and scar line
07/15 multiple skin and lung recurrence begin halaven
11/15 cough much better but very tired on halaven and starting to see some new red skin blotches-suspicious
11/15 heading to China for immune therapy
|
Threaded Mode