Hospice care

[loveher]

Hi everybody,
I don't want to be depressing, I dont want any of you brave warriors to stop being optimistic. I just need to make sense of my thoughts.

My mom's had an epic 10 year battle with this disease and she's been so strong and amazing through all of it. however, her condition has been rapidly declining since april. She had inumberable brain mets and after a second wave of whole brain radiation and targeted cyberknife treatments the brain mets have not responded. The degree of her systemetic disease is also extensive.

The second WBR was really damaging. she is no longer able to carry on a conversation has very poor memory. This hit me particularly hard. I feel so alone without having her to talk to everyday.

I know my mom would want to fight to the end, i know how strong her will power is. but to keep going seems like pure torture. she lies in the hospital 24 hours a day, she does not have to ability to walk anymore, she needs to be fed and bathed.

My dad asked me if i thought it was time for hospice care and i told him i would never be able to make that decision and i told him he and my aunt should make that decision.
Today he called me and said that they deceided to end treatment.

How could this happen to my amazing kindhearted mother. How can someone fight this hard for so many years and use every ounce of energy and still wind up like this.

I know it would likely be pointless to keep treating her, but im having a hard time accepting hospice care.
What do you guys think?

thanks for letting me vent,
Sue