Whew! Big scary and emotional day...

[Pam P]

1. Saw the doctor today. My ca2729 rose almost 200 pts from last month, from 392 - 570. Not good news. This test seems to be a good indicator in my case. I've been on Gemzar/herceptin/zometa now only since the end of Feb. Markers fell from 590 to 390 & now in 1 month climbed right back. I was praying I'd get a long run on gemzar - for me it has been without any nasty side effects. But only 4 months - NOT FAIR! The plan is stay on gemzar for this coming month, (3 more treatments then another tm test). Then I have a pet/ct on July 21 & see doctor again on July 23 to go over results. Of course he's already talking about switching chemos. He mentioned either abfrazane/herceptin, taxol/carbo/herceptin, ixempra/herceptin or doxil. At least I have some options left. I'm scared and panicky again With this hanging over my head & wondering what the scans will show it will be a tough month. I know I need to enjoy each day and not let the what if's rob me of the NOW but so much easier said than done.

2. As you know if you've read my recent posts I've been deliberating (agonizing) over whether to take a medical leave of absence and apply for disability insurance. I gave myself a deadline of today when I saw the dr. to decide. I brought the paperwork along he needs to complete and I gave it to him. And then I went to work & gave formal notice of my request for a leave effective July 1. YIKES! I did it.... like jumping off a cliff into the unknown. I'm obsessing over the thought that my deciding to do this is an unwitting move to prepare for a rapid downhill slide in health due to the above tm news. Not logical I know, but my mind is going there.

3, I met a woman, Debbie Gardner, about 7 yrs ago at a bc support group meeting. We've been friends ever since (I almost said bosom buddies - pun intended). She and her husband go to FL for the winter & come home in May. It just occured to me I hadn't heard from her & its the end of June. I called & her husband told me she died on May 12. Oh, what a blow. She had multiple involvement in bones, & organs, but had a decent scan in March.... things happened fast I guess.

I'm headed for my 3rd glass of wine (very rare for me!). Thank you dear friends for listening.