The "radio" in my head ...
We have had some conversations lately here as to how we deal with our diagnosis and attitude adjustments as we go along through our treatments and beyond.
Something in those posts triggered a realization that I had still been suppressing those cancer voices and fears as hard as ever. This takes a LOT of energy!
When I was diagnosed stage IV I had my CD player going for hours at a time, or turned the TV on when I was not really intending to pay attention to that. This distraction made it difficult to concentrate on things that I used to be able to do quite easily. This is NOT chemobrain, but seemed to go along with it.
Even with plenty to do to occupy my time, that radio with the cancer messages kept playing in my conscious mind. I think I have finally learned to turn it down low, but don't know if I can ever turn it OFF.
This phenomonon seems to part of the "chronic" aspect of this disease. And makes it hard to shake off and move around without those annoying cancer "public service announcements" interrupting my day.
Just thought I would put these thoughts out for others in case they also see this cause and relationship in their lives.
__________________
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." H.D. Thoreau
Live in the moment.
MY STORY SO FAR ~~~~
Found suspicious lump 9/2000
Lumpectomy, then node dissection and port placement
Stage IIB, 8 pos nodes of 18, Grade 3, ER & PR -
Adriamycin 12 weekly, taxotere 4 rounds
36 rads - very little burning
3 mos after rads liver full of tumors, Stage IV Jan 2002, one spot on sternum
Weekly Taxol, Navelbine, Herceptin for 27 rounds to NED!
2003 & 2004 no active disease - 3 weekly Herceptin + Zometa
Jan 2005 two mets to brain - Gamma Knife on Jan 18
All clear until treated cerebellum spot showing activity on Jan 2006 brain MRI & brain PET
Brain surgery on Feb 9, 2006 - no cancer, 100% radiation necrosis - tumor was still dying
Continue as NED while on Herceptin & quarterly Zometa
Fall-2006 - off Zometa - watching one small brain spot (scar?)
2007 - spot/scar in brain stable - finished anticoagulation therapy for clot along my port-a-catheter - 3 angioplasties to unblock vena cava
2008 - Brain and body still NED! Port removed and scans in Dec.
Dec 2008 - stop Herceptin - Vaccine Trial at U of W begun in Oct. of 2011
STILL NED everywhere in Feb 2014 - on wing & prayer
7/14 - Started twice yearly Zometa for my bones
Jan. 2015 checkup still shows NED
2015 Neuropathy in feet - otherwise all OK - still NED.
Same news for 2016 and all of 2017.
Nov of 2017 - had small skin cancer removed from my face. Will have Zometa end of Jan. 2018.
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