HELP BRCA1 Positive

Help....
I just found out that I tested positive for the BRCA1 gene and last week had both ovaries and tubes removed to avoid ovarian cancer.
In 2005 I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer - had 2 masses (l.5cm and .4cm). Had lumpectomy er-, pr- and her2+++, sentinal nodes negative. Had 4 cycles of A/C then Taxol and Herceptin. Had to stop Herceptin after 10 months due to failing MUGA scores. Also had 26 cycles of radiation.
My onc wants me to have bilateral mastecomies and I'm terrified. I thought I was through will all of this breast cancer stuff. He tells me I have a 60% chance of another (new) breast cancer! If I decide to do this I won't be able to have implants because of the radiation I had. Onc mention "Flaps" where they take belly fat and create a new breast. Very fearful of all of the cutting and what I will look like after be cutting to pieces. Husband will probably leave. I have a 23 year old daughter (who can't be tested until she is 25) and am terrified of telling her I have tested positive. She saw her grandmother (my mother) struggle and die from BC (mets to bone) at age 65. My maternal grandmother (94 no mets) and maternal grandfather (75) died of BC.
To make matters even worse my beloved 27 year old son who was healthy and an athlete died suddenly at home. I am struggling to deal with losing my first born, only son, and best friend. Now I have to deal with breast cancer issues again. Any thoughts or opinions will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.