words of thanks and a small update

[Joy]

Thank you so much to everyone for your encouraging words and wonderful support. Thank you dixie for the suggestion regarding that drug, I will check into it. And Brenda I am sorry to hear that you have had some low points since the radiation. I so hope you are on the mend in every way.

This has been my first week off of treatment in the Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin/Zometa combination. It is so interesting how you can be on treatment and question whether or not you are feeling all that bad and then you have a week off. I have felt like myself this week and I am loving it. I realize now that the weeks on are a bit tougher and that I am so hard on myself when I can't decide if it is treatment or me just being a slacker. I had also forgotten how much I dislike decadron. Even the 10mgs they give me on treatment days causes me to lose 2 nights sleep and makes me feel agitated. This, for an insomniac, is really stinky.

Compared to many other regimens so far this has been pretty good. The worst of it is a little hard to describe. I feel like my guts are made of lead. My whole torso, on the treatment weeks, feels heavy and weird. Some constipation (aren't you glad you know that) is probably contributing, but I don't think that is the only reason for 'lead gut'. The first couple of days my tongue and mouth are a bit sore and then that recedes-thank goodness. When I was on taxotere and xeloda I had such bad mouth sores and so much pain it took friends supporting me (like labor coaching) just to eat . And I am still gun shy about that. When that pain comes I get very anxious and those memories flood back. I also get a little burning in my hands, but very mild and it also goes away. There is some very mild transient nausea here and there too.

And, of course, there is thrombocytopenia. I could only have 75% of my 2nd Gemzar dose last week because of platelets. I so hope that by Tuesday they are normal. Although I have noticed more prominent bruising which concerns me as I am afraid they are not rising fast enough. You know how it is, you just want the full dose and you want it to kick the nasty cells HARD. I have no idea as of yet if things are better cancer-wise.

Otherwise, things are pretty good. Kids are great and beautiful. Their dad is a jerk, but that is not new, still heartbreaking though. Luca is wonderful as are his kids. We have this weekend to ourselves-very rare and I am so glad it is on this week off of treatment. I am dreading Tuesday a bit as I know I wont feel this good, but I can handle it, right?

I still feel very lucky in so many ways (most of the time). I have a roof over my head, nice food, great friends, the love of my life, an amazing family, healthy kids, good medical care and all of YOU!