BC moms stories

[freyja]

I'd like to start a thread for moms like me to share stories and advice about talking to your kids about your cancer. I think many moms aren't sure how to explain it to their kids, and some don't even tell them. Here is my experience, and so far it's worked out very well.

My son is five years old. The day my doctor told me my diagnosis I was at work. I left early and called my husband and picked him up. We went to my mother in law's where my son was spending the day. We sat on the back porch and with my son in my lap, I told him that the doctor took a piece of the bump in my chest and looked at it in a microscope. He found out that the bump is making me sick.
My son said, "oh." in a sad voice.
I told him the doctor is going to give me some really strong medicine and take the bump out and I will get better.
He said, "oh!" in a happier voice. Then I said,
"You know how sometimes when you're sick you have to take some medicine and it doesn't taste good and you don't like it, but then you get better?"
"Yeah." he said.
I told him the medicine is going to make me feel kinda yucky for a while, but it's going to make me better, so it'll be o.k.

That seemed to be enough for that day. I explained a little more to his grandma, and went home to make some more phone calls.

Since then, he's gradually come to understand more and more about it. He hears me talking to other people about it, and sometimes gets worried and asks me things like, "are you gonna be o.k. Mom?" I tell him yes and that I'm getting better, it just takes a long time, and I'll always be his mom and love him and I'll always be with him in his heart. It's hard for someone his age to understand the length of time that I have to take this medicine before it's finally over.

When it was time to shave my head, I let him give me a haircut first...with rules made that he should not cut his hair or anyone else's, of course. It made it fun for him and got to be part of the process, so it wasn't so shocking for him. He calls me "blank haired" and likes it better when I don't wear my wig.

He watched part of the "Living Proof" movie with me and that helped him understand even more. When one of the characters was celebrating that her lump was gone, my son said, "I heard you say that your lump got smaller." He related me with that character on the movie and I think that was good.

It continues to be a very sensitive subject, especially if I'm feeling sick after chemo, and he wants to make sure it's only temporary. If anyone else wants to share their experience in this matter I'd like to hear it.