7 yrs of ups & down - how many more...

[Pam P]

How many more... a question I'm scared to thimk about. try not to, yet it often creeps in.

This week is 7 yrs since I was diagnosed. By God's grace, a great oncologist & treatment, will to live, luck & mystery, here I am still strong.

I just had my chemo today. Taxol/avastin & monthly aredia. I've only been on taxol/avastin one month. So far so good. My ca3739 was down almost 30 pts since last month. My onc. was pleased with that - I'd hoped for better.

I've gained 7 lbs in one month! Is it just stress eating? the chemo? Wow I can't keep this up. I had decadron the 1st 2 tx, but asked to have that dropped, so haven't had that the last 2 times. Also I asked to have the benadryl dropped also because I have severe tiredness reaction from it. I only had 12 1/2 mg today, but that still knocked me out.

Sheila, you asked how much taxol I'm getting. It's 162 mg.

Today I was saddened like everyone else to learn of Lolly's death. I also learned of another woman, Trudy, who died in late May. Trudy & I had met on another website a fews ago & had been emailing often ever since. I don't recall how long she was stage IV, but survived several years.

So, looking ahead. I want to celebrate the fact that I'm doing well after this long - & I do. But that cloud of knowledge is there ... I want to see my grandson graduate --- he's only 1 yr this month. Can I be here 17 more years? I have many many many more things I want to do & experience in my life. So did Trudy; so did Lolly. I want to live. So do all of you.

Now I'm rambling, I just have to get this out today.
Feeling anxious, grateful, hopeful, anger, and a hundred other emotions and thoughts all competing for attention.