~Mighty Oak~6 A/C's Down, 6 To Go!! Ughh!

[Believe51]

Friday will mark the 6th A/C treatment for Mighty Oak. We thought we were going to do 8-9, but he will be getting 12 total or however many his body can withstand. Mostly he is fatigued and nauseated, his heart is holding strong. Tumor markers dropped by over 75% and although not within normal range we are headed into the right direction. The doctor said that Ed will be on a chemo holiday after all these treatments, he stated that this poor man has been on treatments since 2006 and needs a break very badly.

If you ask Ed if he thinks he has a grip on the cancer, he would say YES. He would tell you all that he feels like this is it, that this is the treatment to get him to NED. In the meantime, we take every day, every second, every breath. We will take whatever we can get. So far we have bought some time, hopefully more time with this treatment.

The color has returned into our lives, the deafening sounds of silence that once was is now replaced with music. My heart still fights with all of the negative realizations, each day I push away the sadness and replace it with joy. Even if we never see NED, we will have lived life to the fullest atleast trying!! Normalcy has returned and with each day, each second, each breath...there is more.

This post is to update and to provide you with inspiration and anything else you can grasp from it. I would be lying if I said that I am alright all the time. Sometimes when there is some normalcy, some hard belly-laughs, knowing what I was going to say before I say it....reality slaps me to tears. I know he is still here with me and that we are all dying with each passing day, there are times when I can easily push that away. There are times I turn to a little lost girl!! I miss the life we had, the people we were. This is our life now and I do appreciate everything because it has never been so full. I have brushed away the people (one being a grandmother who never knew how to love anyway) who do not belong and replaced them with people whom do. One thing I still have trouble with is 'how will I go on without him, who will I tell my stories to?? Bill, you have really helped me to deal with those issues just by being the man you are, for you are paving my way when that time comes. For that my Dear Friend I could never thank you enough for, (comma..ha!ha!) please continue to show me the way. All of you!!

You all are part of this life that I cherish so, without you I do not know where I would be. Although I do visit a couple of other sites, those sites have never given to us what we need. Sorry I have been distant lately, I feel fragile at the moment and if I was to be attacked from something I have said I know I would crumble. This is no way to feel for anyone of us, Andi's post says it all, (Andi, I had a beautiful response to it but lost it) and I will try to respond if my eyes allow. This has never stopped me before from posting my 'naked' soul, but it has been a long time since I have felt so fragile. I will try to be a better friend to you all.

I am following you all though, I am still loving you all more each day, and thoughts of you filter through my mind all day. Some would never understand how this helps us. Some have even told me how depressing that this must be to live ALL day EVERY day with cancer surrounding me (per Joy..Duh!!). Huh, totally opposite. I love you, I pray for you, I follow you.....today and always. Thanks>>Believe51