just whining

[juanita]

I've just been feeling really down lately. I just can't seem to shake the blahs, and would like nothing other than to stay at home in bed every day. My youngest son's girlfriend (they're 18) was not going to college, so she had to move out and get her own place by the end of the year. Hoping her dad would change his mind we offered to let her move in here with us. He said fine, she could live here. Then same son totaled my car. He was okay. His girlfriend moved in here, my older son moved out on his own and we found out youngest son's girlfriend was pregnant. Happened before she moved in here. My friend at work died from her cancer. That really threw me for a loop. Made me feel guilty. The girlfriend's family was giving her grief about being pregnant and not married. So they decided to elope. That didn't go over well. Her dad said he had the right to walk his daughter down the aisle. No, that's a gift and not a right. And then about a week and a half ago my daughter called me from Kentucky and wanted us to come and get her and my granddaughter. They live with her in-laws. My family ain't great, but that's just a messed up bunch. Anyway, my daughter had just had enough of them. So as soon as I got off work my husband and i drove down there and got them. My daughter was planning on moving back home and we were planning how to fit them in. But somewhere over a few days time her husband and mother-in-law convinced them to come back home. She did, on a trial basis. We'll see how she feels when she comes up for Christmas. She might be staying then. The weather here lately doesn't help. Been dreary lately and yesterday we got all of that snow. And now I have my granddaughter's cold. I just find it hard to go on. Not that I'm suicidal. No, never that. I just want to be normal again, or at least to where I feel halfway myself again. I've been exhausted for 3 years now and never seem to feel better. All of the docs say there's nothing wrong for me to feel that way, so I just keep pushing on. I know I'm just rambling, but it's so hard to put into words all of what I'm feeling. Maybe I need a higher dose of zoloft.