(re)-introducing myself.... I think I'm still in shock really...

[hermiracles]

Hello friends... I did something of an intro of myself in the welcome wagon and received some lovely replies.Thank You!

I feel like I'm still in shock really - not expecting this Her2 stuff to happen and still trying to get my head around what it means???

When I had my follow-up mammogram after the birth of my bubs I really was expecting it to come back normal! I mean wasn't I pronounced 98% cured after my lumpectomy + rads in 2003? And all the latest research I'd read at the time said there was not a problem with getting pregnant after breast cancer treatment (although I'd had a fight with my original surgeon about that - but maybe more on that another time!)

So how come every mammogram, u/s, biopsy I had after the birth of the bubs the diagnosis kept getting worse and worse...? suspicious for 'extensive' DCIS, then invasive component, large tumour, repeatedly high grade... and then finally after the bilateral mastectomy - HER2+++ Some how I just knew it was going to say that! How come I knew that? I dunno..??


The only good news was that the nodes were clear! - oh and the other breast was also clear of any malignancy. And I guess I should be grateful for that - and I am - its just that I felt sad that - that right breast - had signs of lactation in the tissue :-(( where I had valiantly tried to feed 2 bubbas with 1 boob! And I guess we didn't do too bad - made it to 3 months! but by that time I had discovered the bc in the other breast and my breastfeeding days were numbered! :-(( Hope I'm not being too melodramatic but I guess that is one of the sadnesses for me.

But if I get stuck in that place I can find it hard to shift gear into being grateful for my life, that it seems to have been caught in the early stages and the treatment available today is a lot better than it was even a couple of years ago. I'm not sure what the situation is in other places but in Australia - Herceptin was just placed on the Pharmaceutical Benefits list in October last year so it is basically free - amazing eh?

Its funny though the questions that play on my mind.....
- of course number 1 is am I gonna be around to see my bubbas grow up!??
- when people say HER2 is a more aggressive form of breast cancer - what does that actually mean?? What - if some other form of breast cancer would likely spread over 1 year it spreads over a few months?? I guess Ill get to ask my oncologist these questions but I haven't really got to know him yet.
- I have had so much stress in my life over the last few years - (well most of my life really! lol! :-)) - the last few years have been incredible... many deaths, including the loss of my mum to Korsakoff's.... I could go on but I wont! Is there any evidence that HER2+ is particularly related to stress?
- And one last thing.. if my DCIS was so 'high-grade' back in 2003 - 'comedo' - which is also supposed to be aggressive (??) - why didn't they test it then for HER2 (Onc says they dont test 'supposedly' non-invasive for HER2 - well why not??)

Oh-oh I betta stop eh? or my head is really gonna be spinning! Meanwhile in a few hours I have to turn up at the hospital to have my portacath inserted - actually I feel a bit scared about that - not sure why - maybe it will be a sign of all these 'heavy' drugs they are going to pump into my system.... oh dear... then its time to pray and trust and talk with my Higher Power..... sit with my bubs and have a good laugh! they've really discovered the power of the belly chuckle!! very entertaining! It certainly reminds me to be grateful for this moment.

Betta stop eh? Thanks for 'listening' and sharing the journey.
Blessings all
Hermiracles