Regression Of Course!
Flori, Thanks for that. I see it. I know Paul is big on DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO and I am always telling him to grow up, he sounds like a 5 yr old child. Hence, he played golf (against spousal advice to the contrary) after 2 wks in bed, which he has never done before, thinking he was FINE.
That's Paul's other famous line -- I'M FINE. Said it just before the 1st time he collapsed and passed out and broke his ft. Has been saying it straight through the 3 emergency room visits (went for #3 last night to reinsert the catheter), through the hospital stays, etc.
When you give it all a simple name -- REGRESSION -- it kind of makes my observations valid. Clarifies what I knew I know but couldn't explain it.
I do believe he will be fine. That is imbedded in my nature. I got him drinking so much liquid due to dehydration from 2 wks in bed not eating and drinking and then 5 hrs in the Fla sun "playing" -- when he began to retain urine and we went on an emergency basis to a urologist friend of my son-in-law, the doc insert the 1st catheter and pronounced him water intoxicated. In fact, now, as it occurred again (no urine coming out even w/the catheter) HE IS DEHYDRATED. The cells and tissues in his entire body are soaking up every bit of fluid they can get to stay well.
Tmrrw we go to the orthopedist (for the broken foot from the 1st collapse) and then to the urologist for follow up. If I can manage it I will go to the oncol to check out my feeling of being weak-kneed and about to pass out. NO! I CAN'T PASS OUT! NOT NOW! I AM THE "CAREGIVER" IN THIS DRAMA. Time to switch roles.
My "normal" HGB (pre-bc/chemo et al) is 13-15. I now hang out mostly in the 12's, which leaves me low on fuel. In low 12's I become a slug, begging for Aranesp, despite the controversy and the new rules. I have never been 11.3 and am concerned about my well-being. I feel shaky. Not from the stress, which I totally acknowledge is real and is straining my neck and shoulder muscles, which I catch and consciously "untense" throughout the day, meditate (even in the emerg rm and the hosp rm), BREATHE!!!!!! innnnn and HOLD and blow the air out along w/all that is unwanted. Suck in life-affirming air, let go of all that is negative, toxic and bad for you... Thanks for your support -- and the reminder. I need reinforcement. You're an angel, Flori! Regression. That's a gift you just gave me. Thanks. I needed that. LOVE YOU... ANDI
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Andi BB
'95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive...
'98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!)
+ good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either...
Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...
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