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again with the blues
Hi all,
just having a rough day. Nothing in particular. Well except cancer. I have scans next week too. I'm sad to think that maybe my run with Navelbine will end and then we have to face decisions and then what. I mean I know there are options. But i, just like all of you, want it gone. I would like to wake up some day and know that it is gone and I don't ever have to face it again. But, I know that is not possible and that makes me feel alone and scared and angry. All I want, really, is to grow old. So many people get that opportunity and I don't understand why I can't have that. It is so unfair as you all know.
When will my body say it just can't handle more drugs? When do they all just stop working? Why can't this dumb thing just be fixed? Is there any hope that some treatment will really work after all the ones I have had? Is there any real hope at all. Any hope that I will get to raise my kids? Meet my grandkids? Outlive my driver's license expiration?
I'm so sad right now. I don't know what to do.
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with love and gratitude,
joy
dx stage I 2/2000*er/pr+; her- per IHC*lumpectomy*4 rounds A/C*30 rads*tamoxifen*dx stage 4 5/2002*huge mets to liver*tiny mets to lungs*stopped tamoxifen*5/02 taxotere/xeloda*her 2 checked with FiSH-her2+++herceptin *2/03 stopped chemo femara w/herceptin*zolodex*04 switched to aromasin w/herceptin*05 high estrogen tx*11/05taxol/carbo*7/06 stopped chemo; megace/herceptin*9/06navelbine/herceptin*5/07tykerb/xeloda great response*4/08 progression in liver; ooph/ faslodex /herceptin
6/08 began Herceptin DM-1
9/08 progression
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