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Need some advice, input
I was diagnosed at 37 in May of this year with 2b, er/pr-, her2+, 3 nodes +. Had a double mastectomy, began chemo in June. Had 4 AC, dose dense and have completed 9 of 12 weekly Taxols. Started getting Herceptin with #6 Taxol and will get it weekly for 1 year.
I have done very well so far- gone to work, kept a positive outlook, eaten well, and kept up with 3 little boys. My husband has been a dream through the whole thing and been very supportive.
About 2 weeks ago, I started getting very depressed about my prognosis. Not sure why, maybe I am doing too much reading. I'm having a hard time finding people with Her2 and no recurrences. I'm also having a hard time finding people who had positive lymph nodes doing well. Everything that I see on Her2 says "poor prognosis" and "high rate of recurrence". I keep having all of those terrible thoughts that I shouldn't have and just can't seem to get them out of my head. Not sure if the chemo is getting to me or what it is.
I am physically exhausted, hurt everywhere and for the first time feel like I don't know how I am going to finish this. My counts have been hovering around .1 for two weeks and we've had to push my steroids way up because I had a little reaction to the Taxol on the last treatment. I could not get up out of bed today because I felt so weak. It hurt to move anything- my leg, a finger, a toe. What is going on? Is this normal? How do you stay positive when you feel so badly? My mind is going to alot of dark places that I'd rather not go.... please help.....
Kelly
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