I am now a widow

I can't imagine that kind of loss, and I'm sorry you have to go though this. It must be hard losing someone that close.

I just love you Kansasrose....I wish there was more we could do for you!

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through at this time. I wish there was some way I could make things better for you. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Now go and give your children LOTS of hugs....Linda

I've been lurking on this site since soon after I was dx'd in Dec '03 with bc with bone and liver mets. I've appreciated all I've learned from this group but haven't been in a hurry to tell my own story until I read about your loss. I'm so sorry. It's hard. I lost my own husband 7 years ago. Like you, he was my friend, lover and soul mate. 18 months later I lost my mother, who I loved dearly. I will miss her forever but losing her didn't change my life like losing my husband. Only time will help but I do want to share with you some of the things I learned. First, some of your friends will exceed your expectations of support but others will disappoint. Random acquaintances will do something so thoughtful and caring that you're taken aback for every jerk who will mention that they know "exactly how you feel". Your feelings are yours and no one knows what they are!

I think the hardest part is the changes that will happen to your daily life. Time will help but don't expect it to happen soon. After almost losing my job I went to a psychologist and started anti-depressants two years after I lost my husband. I don't have children of my own so I thought that made it worse but they'll be looking to you for support so your situation will be hard too. The best thing I learned from the shrink was to take a conscious minute anytime something good happened. I've found that this helps me to cope with the bc too. Any time someone says something kind, or I see a pretty sunset, or my ice cream sundae tastes especially good I try to stop for a minute to remind myself that there are still good moments in my life.

I hope something in here helps you through this tough time. I'll be thinking of you.

janelt

dx'd Dec '02 w/ invasive ductal carcinoma of rt breast with metastasis to axiliary nodes, ribs and liver
tumors in breast and lymph nodes measured 4.5 cm
ER/PR positive, Her 2neu positive
1 treatment of adriamycin & cytoxan then switched to weekly treatments of herceptin, taxol and carboplatin. Zometa given every 4 weeks. Treatment to continue until July '04.

Ct-scan last week showed breast tumor now at 3.1 cm while lymph node tumor at 2.5 cm.
One liver met has disappeared and a second is stable.

I have rib cage pain from bone mets requiring pain killers but few side effects of the chemo.