julierene Update: Divorce, Children, Income Problems

julierene · 06-05-2007, 09:40 AM

I decided to delete the post, due to the advice of some of the ladies here. If you want to chat with me more, you can email me at juliereneemail@yahoo.com

I SO APPRECIATE all the words of encouragement!!!!

Susan2 · 06-05-2007, 11:18 AM

I am so sorry about all that you are going through. You are right that your first priorities must be your health and the health of your children.

Wishing for you all the best,
Susan

anne2 · 06-05-2007, 12:58 PM

Julie,

I too am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I can just say that there are some real hardships in marriage, but it sounds like your husband does little to support your in this difficult time. I hope that things will get better for you. You need to just think things through to decide what's best for you and your children.
Hugs,
Anne

Shell · 06-05-2007, 01:28 PM

Julie-

You are under such pressure - I hope you are doing OK and are at least feeling OK physically? I am also hopeful there is some counseling where you are staying, so you will have some time to think about your next step, and that of your children. You didn't mention any other family on your side - any chance of their stepping in to help (or comfort)? Take time to consider your options, but don't ignore your health.

Kind regards,

Believe51 · 06-05-2007, 01:40 PM

Hello Friend, Your post was very informative to me and I am so sorry you have all of this going on in your life. There is nothing I can say because I am married to an Angel, but I did have a relationship that I needed to leave in fear for the life of my son(he was not the father). It was one of the hardest things for me to do, but I would have never been able to raise my 3 year old son normal if I stayed. The decision was easy to make, but the action was hard. I think the thing you need to do 'is what you are doing'. No one wants to seperate children from parents, no one wants to leave, but as hard as it was, YOU HAVE GONE TO A SHELTER, that is something to be proud of, with due respect. Please be proud of the fact that you have the strength and power to guide yourself and those beautiful children to a safe, normal life. I know you probally do not feel that way now because living in a shelter has to make you sad, but it will not be forever, Sweetheart. Many women cannot and do not have the strength to do so. I am so sorry that you have this going on when you are fighting a different battle, of course, there is no good time for any of these things to be happening. One day at a time, just like you tell yourself when you are fighting the fight. I will have you in my prayers, I will keep you there special, I will pray for you to get strong and that you find your way. I do not know if my small words of wisdom can help, but it is my way of letting you know that someday, this too shall pass. For now if you have trouble making sense out of this......just look into those little eyes of your children, they will surely remind you of the reasons why. Take care and I hope I gave something back to you today>Waiting For A Miracle>Believe51....(Marie G)

Husband dx 9/06 w/stage IV Inflammatory HER2+ Breast Cancer

CLTann · 06-05-2007, 04:18 PM

I replied last time but the messages were all lost in the Forum computer problem. Anyway, I will repeat on what I wrote.

You have many serious problems. Let us sort them out:

1. Your husband is not able or capable to find work.
2. Your household income (from your work) cannot cover your expenses.
3. You have exceedingly high debts.
4. Most of all, you have serious cancer problem yourself, plus your daughter's cancer problem.
5. Your husband and in-laws cannot be counted on for help.
6. You cannot leave your job.

Solutions:
1. Marriage separation or divorce.
2. Joint custody of three kids.
3. Stay at the subsidized facility and get as much aids as you can.
4. Most importantly, get your cancer problem in control. Get your daughter's cancer problem in control.
5. Keep your job and work as long as you physically can handle.
6. Don't get involved with your husband, or better, ex husband. You are not in a position to help a no-good trash.

I may sound harsh but this is what I have analyzed and made conclusions.

Best luck.

Andrea Barnett Budin · 06-05-2007, 04:59 PM

Julie, RE-READ ANN'S POSTING! Brilliant analytical summary of both the problem and the solution. I second everything Ann wrote. So very sorry for your long sad tale. Ann honed in on the crux of the matter. I say go w/her advice. Focus on yourself, Sarah and your other children. You must forget about your husband and his problems. You must divorce yourself from them, quite literally, in every way imaginable. You have your own matters to attend to and musn't be dragged down by his craziness. Too bad for him. Right now -- it's all about YOU, Sarah and your kids finding health, love and as much peace as you can find! You can't get well if you're filled w/anger, resentment, blame, remorse and all that goes w/the death of a marriage. Somehow you must let that all go and let your love for your children and yourself take control of your life. With my prayers for your SURVIVAL in every sense of the word!!!! Andi

Adriana Mangus · 06-05-2007, 07:35 PM

Andrea: Hope all's well with you.

Do you continue with Herceptin?. If you're now NED, why continue with it?
Is is your choice or your doctor's?

I saw onc today; number went down from 67 to 55, not a huge number but significantly lower than before navelbine addition. A little victory means a lot to me and it keeps me optimistic about the future.

Next time I see him, he will order a Brain MRI, just to make sure everything is ok upstairs.

Doc., still finds hard to believe that my cancer returned, based on my initial diangosis. I guess am one of those "lucky" ones that belongs on that 20% bracket of possible recurrences. Oh well, I guess I needed a "wake-up" call or something? GRATEFUL to be here, nontheless.

Debra · 06-05-2007, 10:18 PM

I have to agree with Ann on this one! She laid it all out and it really sounds like you need to seriously consider those options as hard as they may be. Your husband is not going to change. If he wanted a job, he would have one by now. You can not live like this anymore nor should your children. Will your family help you out in any way?

Adriana Mangus · 06-06-2007, 12:29 PM

Hi Andi:

I love to read your postings. What energy booster are you taking.
Sometimes I feel tired, am not low on either of those cells but I know the chemo effects make you feel this way. When are you coming to California? I would love to meet you.

Please respond.

StephN · 06-06-2007, 04:54 PM

Daer Julirene -
You ARE a smart cookie, and don't ever listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise!!

When you originally posted your problem (the one that got eaten in the hacker fix), I was one who suggested that you minimize your writings or anything that could be used as evidence in your battle. It is just amazing how one's words can be twisted against you and made to stick and fit into some court decision that is not your case really at all.

I just hope that you had saved Sheila's post on how to get the State help with an attorney. She had good advice there.

You will be feeling a lot better soon, as this assistance comes through, and your children get used to the idea of a new life with MOM.

Your husband will just have to learn what responsibility for this separation is HIS. When emotions are running high, it is not easy to see the best way out. Let the professionals guide you. You do have a lot of rights now.

Remember that you are a RESPONDER and let the drugs do their work like I think they can. Take comfort from your little ones and may God's blessings fill your new life.