Feel So Sad Right Now

Ceesun · 10-05-2007, 02:09 PM

I just don't know, I feel so sad about this little 2mm...DCIS that will turn my life upside down again. It's not that I am so afraid of that because it certainly isn't like the invasive which caused me to have the lumpectomy four years ago, or the lung met last year which, as my onc said yesterday, has been resolved for a long time now, but now its bye bye breast....probably no reconstruction due to the many surgeries and complications I have had....and this is the "straw that broke the camel's back for me" as far as retiring from teaching. My clinical trial nurse said, "cathy, take the remainder of the year off if you can." I am lucky ( lots of earned sick time) that I can do that, but I don't like feeling forced out of my profession. I have taught since I was 22 and I felt this was probably my last year anyway.....but I wanted to walk out on my own terms....sorry, to sound so blue and like such a 54 year old baby....just tired I guess. thanks for listening friends.... Cathy...aka Ceesun. Feel like transitioning to my real name.

Mary Anne in TX · 10-05-2007, 02:44 PM

Hi Cathy!
I do understand. I worked my granddaughter's school book fair this week a couple of days and tons of memories swept over me. I had taught and been a librarian years ago, and then did something else later. I realized just how much teaching gives back to the teacher. I did have the chance to encourage the librarian there to stay put and enjoy. My guess is that this experience will allow you to encourage someone else and be a mentor to others. You may or may not get to complete your year, but my guess is you will be an inspiration to many in the years to come! Here's hoping you get your wish. mary anne

Sheila · 10-05-2007, 02:53 PM

Cathy
I know exactly what you are feeling...I gave up my nursing carreer 4 years ago at the age of 51...when I became a IV instead of a 1....it meant making a decision to keep changing oncologists as my job involved working all over the country, or sticking with 1 Dr. and 1 program....I chose my health...I miss my job, not to mention the income as SSD isn't the pay I was used to, but I have adjusted, I am able to spend time with grandchildren, my parents, my friends....it does take adjusting, but the rewards are huge....think of all the extra time to help others here on the board! You are in my thoughts and prayers Cathy, I know this is hard, but you will do fine.

Lolly · 10-05-2007, 03:02 PM

Cathy, I know you feel blue right now, and we can all relate to the frustration of having to change our lives because of BC. You just need to do what's best for your health, and later you'll be amazed you ever had time to work because your new life will pick up steam as projects and plans and travel fill the void. This time of transition IS sad, but it will become better.

<3 Lolly

Becky · 10-05-2007, 03:11 PM

It is so unfair that you have to go through this again. I can relate. Especially over a lousy 2mm DCIS (mine was 3mm). Such a little thing but such a problem. Take a deep breath.

If you are going to be off of work, write down all the things you would like to do with the time but couldn't because of work. Do you have a hobby or one you would like to take up? Reading and taking a nice leisurely walk everyday? Even the mundane - like, I like my house to be clean but don't have the time to clean everything every week (and no $ to hire someone else to do it). Cooking nice meals? You know what you really like or would like to try. Make the list (even going back to school for you - taking courses or helping at your place of worship). Then focus on that list - your happy list (sleeping in!!).

Try to smile too because the rest of the body kinda follows in a certain way.

Love and hugs to you Cathy

tousled1 · 10-05-2007, 04:25 PM

Cathy,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now. Yes breast cancer can and does turn your world upside down. Since you have the leave take the rest of the year off. There's nothing saying that you can't return to teaching next year. Try and remain positive -- there are so many things to look forward to.

PinkGirl · 10-06-2007, 12:18 PM

Hi Ceese
Sorry you're feeling so down. I can really relate to what you are feeling. You have to deal with it AGAIN and you're tired of it. I know these feelings will pass and you will be ready to fight again. You can still walk out of your teaching job on your own terms - you just have to change your terms. Decide what you want to do for you, and then do it. You won't be getting "kicked out" of your job by cancer, you will be leaving on your own terms to go and kick cancer's butt. I like Becky's advice. Make it a new adventure - do all the things you've always wanted to do. Good luck with all of this

lilyecuadorian · 10-05-2007, 08:24 PM

Cathy "the figth is figthing" so figth fight and be strong ......(sorry my english second language)