devastating news im so sad/worried/anxious everything

loveher · 07-22-2008, 06:31 PM

hi everyone
this is Sue. im eighteen, my mom has had her2 breast cancer for more than half of my life. i cant even write the details right now, please look at my first post.

My moms had mets on her vertebre and now my dad has just told me that her doctor said her backbone is gonna crack eventually and it's just a matter of time. I AM SO TERRIFIED. when it happens shes not gonna be able to move. it all happened last year when she had mets on her back but the doctor ignored her pain and kept giving her morphine
it makes me so mad to think that this could have been avoided
how is it that she may die from this instead of actual breast cancer
im just so distraught right now, my heart just aches with pain
i'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight

please can you guys pray for her

on top of that my dad has a history of being unfaithfull and im away at college most of the time. what if it happens while im away, what if i dont even get to say goodbye

i love my mom so much, it hurts so bad, im not sad that shes gonna pass eventually im sad she's gonna be in so much pain. she's already sufferred so much.

i feel like i have no support, just you guys

Mary Jo · 07-22-2008, 06:39 PM

Dear Sue,

I am so sorry for what your mom is having to go through and for what you and your family are having to go through too. Yes, I will pray for your mom and ask God to please give her comfort and peace. I truly wish I could do more.

Please know I care and will continue to pray for your mom's comfort and for you also.

My prayers surround you Sue.

Mary Jo

loveher · 07-22-2008, 06:46 PM

now im just crying and my throats just burning. ive had a really emotional summer already this is just too much. i wish i didnt know. im gonna ask the doctor to comfirm eventually, im just too scarred to do it.
i have virtually no family in america. i miss my aunt and my grandma so much, they would make this much easier

DanaRT · 07-22-2008, 06:49 PM

Hi Sue,

I am so sorry you have had to endure so much and at such a young age.
Your mother is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.
An extra prayer goes out to you and your mom.
Please take comfort in knowing so many people care.

Dana

goops · 07-22-2008, 06:50 PM

I am so sorry that your mother and family are going through this, I will remember all of you in my prayers.

DanaRT · 07-22-2008, 06:50 PM

I wish I could reach through my montior and give you a big warm hug.

Love,
Dana

Barbara H. · 07-22-2008, 06:58 PM

Hi Sue,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mom. Try to spend some quality time with your mom when you are home. That will mean so much to her. If she is able, ask her if she could write a journal about little events or memories in her life that you will always keep with you. She could even write about experiences with you when you were little.

My mother just turned 87 last Friday and my father is turning 90 in August. I am actually traveling to Michigan to celebrate his birthday. I have letters from my parents, but I don't have a journal. I am going to ask my husband to videotape some stories that she has told me through the years.

I also have bone mets and am currently on the Herceptin MCC DM1 trial. This trial has really helped me. Maybe you could go to her next appointment and ask what trials or options are available for her. She could also seek a second opinion. My heart does go out to you. My greatest concern is for my children. My youngest is 21 and was in sixth grade when I was first diagnosed. My middle daughter has autism and I feel as if I need to be here for her. My oldest daughter was a freshman in college and really was completely distraught when I was first diagnosed. Then two months before her wedding in 2004 I developed mets everywhere including in my brain. I'm still here.

I can certainly relate to how upset you are. Try to help your mom find some options if you can. In the meantime I send my thoughts, prayers and best wishes your way.

Barbara H.

eric · 07-22-2008, 07:29 PM

Sue, my heart goes out to you. I didn't read the other posts so I apologize if I'm being reduntant but you (or someone with you) may want to call your mothers doctor to discuss pain management. I can only imagine how helpless you must feel bu, know that we are here to listen and support you.

Eric

TriciaK · 07-22-2008, 07:41 PM

Dear Sue, My heart aches for you! You are so young to be going through this. You have done a good thing by putting a thread on this website. There are so many caring and experienced people here who will be here for you and your mom. Two things come to my mind: Can you believe that your dad is telling it like it is? His words seem really harsh to me. Can you talk to your mom about this and tell her you really need to know the truth? If you could go with her to her oncologist you could get more information, and it would probably help your mom to have you there. I had mets to my spine (two vertebra) 18 years ago and I am still here, so you really need to find out more facts about what is going on. Your mom needs your love and empathy. SHe may have a lot of the same fears you do, and talking it over together can be so helpful. Even under the worst circumstances, your mom can have help from hospice. Their main consideration is to help people, both the patient and the family, and they do all they can to alieviate pain for the patient and help the family to know what is going on and what to do for the person. Please
keep in touch here and let us know how we can help. Hugs, Tricia

Bill · 07-22-2008, 07:43 PM

Sweet Sue, I wish I could be there in person for you. You and your Mom will be in my thoughts and prayers. Has your Mom received any bone-strengther? Like Zometa, or anything else? Maybe that could help. Please feel free to talk to us at any time, and know that we will be here for you. Bill

Gerri · 07-22-2008, 07:47 PM

Dear Sue,

My heart is breaking for you and what you are going through. I am so sorry that you feel so alone. I think one of the first things you need to do tomorrow is get in contact with a counselor at your school. If that is not possible contact the American Cancer Society or a local hospital and see if they have any suggestions for where you can get some help. You need a support system, and you need it now. Talking this out with others will help you tremendously.

I know it is so hard for you to be away from your mom right now, but all you can do is call her often and tell her how much you love her. Believe me, it will mean the world to her. Speaking as a mom, it is harder for me to see my children suffer than it is to go through any pain and suffering myself. Try to be as upbeat as you can and give her encouragement. This has been a long road for all of you and I know you are emotionally exhausted. As Barbara said, even though things sound grim, she may live a very long time with mets. What will help her the most is knowing that you are doing okay.

I'm glad that you reached out to us. Please know that you are not alone. Get that help you need. Remember, for some reason things always seem worse at night. I hope and pray that tomorrow brings you some relief.

Take good care sweetie and keep in touch.

Much love,

Faith in Him · 07-22-2008, 07:47 PM

Sue, thank you for coming here to share your feelings. There are many prayer warriors on this site and we will be praying for your mother's comfort and for your peace. Please know that we are here for you.

Sending a gentle hug,
Tonya

loveher · 07-22-2008, 07:50 PM

thank you so much everyone, i really needed some ears to just listen to me you guys don't know how nice it is to have your support. cyberhugs are always welcome.

oh another thing is that my mother doesn;t know. she doesnt speak good english. i dont know what to do. my mom does so much housework and cooks and cleans and i have a little brother, i can help her during the summer but i cant do anything the other 9 months when im away. i cant believe my dad let her do all that housework when doctors said she has to be carefull even when coughing.

im so worried. thanks for a ll the advice, the pain managment is one i will definently look into although my mom is pain free for the time being.

i wish it wasnt true. im probably delusional but my dad said he couldnt understand everything the doctor said bc his english is not so good as well. im too nervous to actually ask. i really wish my aunt was here.

sorry for ranting. im trying really hard not to think about it. i actually have math homeowrk to do right now, i dont know how im gonna focus.

i just wish i had a loving supportive dad who would actually take care of my mom. he's so distant and i cant fully trust him while im away.

does anyone have any suggestions? should i transfer colleges, right now i go to an ivy but if i transfer the college wouldnt be as good and my mom would be so mad with me. im just in limbo land right now, i need to figure things out

again thanks everyone for listening my random rants

sue

lilyecuadorian · 07-22-2008, 08:42 PM

dear Sue what language your mom speak ? if is spanish send me her phone number I will happy to make her company trough the phone .............I know how you felling ..and a big hugs is on your way

SoCalGal · 07-22-2008, 11:30 PM

Sue-
Where do you live? Let's find someone nearby to help you thru this. I am in L.A. I hope you are on the west coast. Maybe talking will help you. I would happily call you if you pm'd me your phone number or Can you call your Aunt or Grandmother? It sounds like your mom would rather you stay in school than move home but maybe you could ask her what kind of support from you she'd like and also tell her your worries. It's the time to be open with each other.
Sorry for all your pain but your mom has strength for you - she's your mom

It would be good for her to help you and then you'd know how to best help her. Keep us updated.

StephN · 07-22-2008, 11:30 PM

Dear Sue -
Lots of good advice here and you are listening.

Most hospitals now have translators and social services available for anyone who needs them. Sounds like your family certainly qualifies for this.

To me, you need to first find out what is really going on with your Mom's situation. Remember that our MOTTO here is "Knowledge is Power." No matter how scary it is, the not knowing is usually worse than the truth.

With the true position of your mother known, you can really help her. This way you can use the energy you are spending worrying and in fear for a positive purpose.

Try to get a grip on your emotions so that you can get a clear picture. If the present doctor is not paying much attention to your mom due to language barrier, ask for help in this regard. She is entitled to it.

See if you can't work more closely with your mom. She sound like a die hard fighter and could use the support. If you have to take a short break from college to see your family through this period, it should not set you back much, and you will be forever glad you did that.

All best wishes for strength to carry on.

juanita · 07-23-2008, 09:25 AM

i am so sorry that you are going through this with your mom. you have picked a really great place to come for advice, support and prayers. these people are all great. i do add my prayers to theirs. please let us know where you and your mom are so one of us can call and talk to you.

lisajones4 · 07-23-2008, 10:26 AM

Sue - I am so sorry your are having to go through this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I just wish I can give you a hug.

Lisa

Mary Anne in TX · 07-23-2008, 12:27 PM

Sue, the emotions are running wild right now because the information is so new and raw and she's your MOM! Take a breath and allow yourself to grieve the news and regain that super duper brain you surely have! You will come up with a wonderful plan that keeps your dream and your mom's for you alive and well. You can be there for her in lots of different ways. Sometimes a little "sus" (surprise), a card, a call, a good grade celebrated together...a daily reminder that your heart is always close at hand and available to lift her spirits and make the sun shine for her.
Take a bit of time to allow yourself to become a "good student" of the situation and you'll be able to find a solution that you can live with and one that blesses your mom for years to come.
Best wishes and lots of love, ma

loveher · 07-23-2008, 12:30 PM

Thanks everyone,
my dad used to be the primary caretaker for my mom, he used to go to appointments and things but now i cant really trust him. im really dissapointed that my family has sort of fallen apart, i wish my dad could be counted on. if i had good family support i wouldnt be scared of anything

I 've always had an issue with running away from things im scarred of. i feel like im not strong enough to keep going on

we are in NY, pretty close to NYC. if anyone is from around here i'd love to talk to you.