Just Some Observations

Hopeful · 01-18-2007, 08:28 PM

I had my Herceptin treatment today; the treatment rooms were all full. I saw some familiar faces, that I see routinely on my three weekly visits. One gentleman has brain cancer; he moved across country (USA) about five months ago, and was diagnosed shortly thereafter. His wife always comes with him; I take him to be about 60 years old, more or less. They seem very likeable, positive people. His wife told me her sister is a bc survivor, who managed fine with bc but was later diagnosed with colon cancer and is now battling that disease. There is also the very warm woman with lukemia, whose husband is a minister in a local church, who comes with her to all her treatments. They both laugh and joke with everyone.

This time, I was seated next to a woman about my age (early 50's), accompanied by her husband. She was very quiet. The onc nurses tried to talk to her and draw her out. She has pancreatic cancer. She has been told that fever is a bad sign, and she is so afraid, she has been taking her temperature every 20 minutes for the last four months! The nurses tried to joke her out of it; they all came and talked to her for over an hour, trying to make her see that her fear was robbing her of the quality of life that she can still enjoy. She eventually laughed, and quite a bit, her husband said more than she had in several months.

Back when I was receiving radiation, the other patients in my appointment group had a wide variety of dire illnesses with not very favorable prognosis: a nice man who had brain cancer, with a nice wife and two small children, a young man with esophogeal cancer, a woman with squamous cancer in her sinuses who was very fair, and dehydrated terribly with her radiation treatments, to the point where she had to be hospitalized to finish, and a man my age with eye cancer. They were all very positive and had a great outlook on life.

I have learned alot about the human spirit since this diagnosis last year. I also look at many of these brave people, and feel that, even with Her2+ bc, they have a much harder road to hoe than I do. I read so many posts on this board of people who are later stage than I am, full of fight and taking on life. I admire everyone and find inspiration in them.

This post isn't appropo of anything except that this has been on my mind, and I wanted to share my thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Hopeful

chrisy · 01-18-2007, 10:10 PM

Hopeful...

I thought your post was beautiful. I often do the same type of reflecting when I'm there, and see the same things. I think this is what people who aren't living with cancer are seeing when they talk about the courageous cancer patient. I see people fighting, certainly, to live but it is the LIFE in them that always restores me, more than the FIGHT.

I personally don't feel very courageous at all, and I've heard others seem surprised when someone calls them courageous. I think it is just the strength and beauty of the human spirit as you say, not only that of the person living with cancer, but of the people who lift us up and keep us wrapped in love.

That's way more powerful than all our drugs..

Thanks for sharing
Chris

Sherryg683 · 01-18-2007, 10:30 PM

I have been going in for treatment every week now for 13 months and I still see a lot of the same faces. I don't know what's happened to me lately but I feel sort of like a shell shocked veteran or something. For a long time, it wouldn't bother me that much. I would laugh and chat and talk to whoever was interested. Over the last month I have found it much harder for me to handle. I sit in my chair, pull the blanket over my head and when it's over I rush out. This week on my way to rushing out, I saw this young girl that I have seen so many times over the year, her elderly mother is always with her. She's in a wheelchair, has this big red curly wig plopped on her head and looks like she's in a coma, she is just blank. Then I saw this other lady that I have seen before, she has also become wheelchair bound, she was sitting there with this awful painful look on her face and a rag thrown over her forehead. I just had to rush out of there and cry. I don't know what type of cancer everyone has, but I have just about had my fill of seeing it on a weekly basis..the pain it causes. I just keep thinking "but for the grace of God go I". I just hate this disease so much and hate seeing what it does to people, the dignity and life it robs. Sorry, my post is a downer, it just has gotten to where it all affects me so much lately. Since I am presently NED and feeling fine, I was going to volunteer to work in the cancer center where I go..to give something back. I just don't know if I am strong enough mentally to do this..does that make sense. You are right though, there are so many brave strong men and women in there fighting their butts off, laughing and going on with their lives, but you can always tell the ones that have been fighting for a long time, they're not quite as chipper...sherryg683

Mary Anne in TX · 01-19-2007, 05:24 AM

I have two very special treatment room friends - Dwayne and Yellowstone (I call him). I seek them out every time I go and think of them so often during the in between times! They are my heroes and "Lifter Uppers"! They check on me everytime too! Their battles are so tough and they carry their loads so boldly and bravely. I met them the first time I had treatment and it was at that time that they set the "standard" for me on how to fight bravely, live fully, and love lots and lots! I am forever grateful to these 2 guys and many other "timely angels" God has placed in my path during this past 13 months. The blessings do so out weigh the burden!

Thank you for this thread. And most of all thank you to all the Her2 Angels who share so willingly on this site. It makes all the difference!
Tons of love to all today!
ma

KellyA · 01-19-2007, 06:51 AM

I think that this thread is wonderful. You know, I get asked so much by people how I remain so upbeat, and if I ever get angry that this happened to me. I always answer no, and I never have been (maybe a little frustrated at times). I never realized until I got sick, just how lucky I am and how many people are suffering and have so much more on their shoulders. It can always be worse, and for the most part, breast cancer is alot different than many other types of cancer. But its not just those with cancer that I am aware of now- there are just so many people suffering PERIOD. I have been blessed. Blessed with a chance to view life and those around me differently. I've had a chance to say things to those I love that others never get to say and do things that others never get the chance to. Tragedies happen all the time where people are robbed of these opportunities, and some people aren't as blessed to even have the loved ones to share these things with. So after seeing all that I have in the last eight months, I can say that no, I'm not angry, and I stay so upbeat because I am so happy to be alive and so appreciative of what I have. Thank you God.

Kelly

Becky · 01-19-2007, 07:38 AM

Hopeful

When I read your post all I thought is that I couldn't agree more. When I first started treatment, I would go in and talk to all these wonderful people and I just couldn't imagine that there had been this whole facet of life I didn't know anything about otherwise. Even though there was no one I knew personally, being at a community cancer center, I felt that all these wonderful people were my neighbors. Just about anybody could be in there and I was in there too. I do know you think far differently about cancer before you have it versus afterwards. And you think differently about the people who are diagnosed with cancer also. It is not dooming but impowering. I have met the best of the human spirit in my cancer center and on this board. This includes cancer patients/survivors and their loved ones (who are there for them 100%). I have learned from you and them what true love really is, true spirit and fight and what it means to really win. I have learned that there is more than one kind of family and what family means. I have learned what is really important to me and that might not be the same thing that is important to others.

Your post Hopeful, is a wonderful and quiet reminder of strength and community and I thank you for writing it.

Joy · 01-19-2007, 09:08 AM

I just love this post. You summed up so much truth so eloquently. I, too, know what you mean and have seen it at my cancer center for 7 years. There are actually days where we have so much fun-strangely. I love the nurses-there is nothing like an oncology nurse is there? I see so much love between patients and caregivers it is so heartwarming. Often the nurses ask me to talk to the younger bc gals who are just starting and I always feel honored and humbled. It also brings me back to my first "chemo ed" before beginning A/C. I sat and barely listened to the nurse as I quietly cried and cried. I was so afraid of the unknown, chemo, cancer (still am honestly). BUT while chatting with the new gals, I realize how far I have come, how many odds I have beaten, how much I have learned about life and, I have to admit, it does me a world of good.

Your post does us all a world of good, thank you!

rinaina · 01-19-2007, 02:22 PM

Ditto to all everyone has said. My chemo and herceptin treatments have all been shared with family members and or friends and I considered this time so special as it only increased the bonds I share with all of them. We never discussed my cancer or treatment, but we sure covered many other topics. I too find my onc nurses to be so special and wonderful. They are always so kind and sweet but I have also noticed that they have built in protectors as to not to get too close with anyone in particular...I am sure this is so they don't fall apart when things take a turn for the worse for a patient.