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Just a little peeved and sick of it
I am finding myself in the worst of moods lately. I am tired of feeling awful all the time and trying to be strong for everyone. No one here seems to care or sympathize with me at all here at home. My mom preaches to me about how at 38 she conquered her bout with uterus cancer (she was barely stage I and didn't even need chemo) and how she's 78 and could die any day but you don't see her worrying about it. All she does is talk about my sister and my sisters problems...hell my sister is healthy at leas . I bite my tongue with her constantly. Before Cancer I was always very health conscious, worked out in the gym 5 days a week and was very thin and in great shape. All this chemo has put 10 lbs on me and I hate it, I'm not fat, but heavier than I've ever been and uncomfortable. Instead of saying "honey you look fine", my husband keeps telling me that as soon as I finish radiation, I can get back in the gym and get the extra weight off. I want to kick him right in his big, flabby belly and find myself resenting him more and more. I serious doubt that I will suddenly regain the energy I once had as soon as I get off rads. He doesn't seem to want to give me any sort of affection unless sex is involved , I would die for a good back rub with no strings attached. I don't want pity, I would just like a little concern and consideration. I recently went into remission but my oncologist recently told me that he thinks if I am going to have a reoccurance, it will be very soon, within the first 6 months. This has got me very worried and moody, so maybe it's just me, but no one around here seems to understand my worrying, I'm suppose to be a happy camper here, but hell... I have Stage IV cancer. Sorry to vent here but I figured this is the place where someone would understand. I am just afraid that I will never be able to go back to the old "me" I once was. I miss the "old me"...sherryg683
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