[Debbie L.]

Bejuice, I do know what you're saying, while feeling like I've mostly moved on from that place. I, too, was nearly-obsessive about looking for stats to give me answers to what would happen to me, in those first years. But over time, I realized that wasn't helping me to live my life. In the beginning, understanding at least something about my prognosis seemed like it WOULD help me. But that was because that understanding seemed to offer me a bit of the precious thing that I'd lost -- my illusion that I had some control over the length of my life. Not that I realized all that, at the time (smile).

There are probably as many ways to come at this major issue, as there are people who face it (the issue being mortality, so that would be all of us, who eventually face it).

As we say so often here -- there is no right nor wrong, no single way that is best -- for us to look at this. It is to each of us to find the way that best suits us. And since I have not yet seen expression of MY way in this thread, I add another perspective. Not necessarily your truth (which is normal, and okay). But my truth:

I think the whole area of "positive thinking", as it relates to controlling cancer progression, is magical thinking. It does not help me at all, to think that if I (somehow!) control my thoughts, I can affect cancer. (disclaimer: my attitude can do good things for my life in other ways, and I do appreciate those days and moments when I'm in possession of that heart-felt positivity.)

So I do not meant to say that I do not take many "positive" messages from the cancer experience. For me, an immensely positive take from this experience has been the realization that the future is uncertain. Big duh, I know. But if we really think about that, about how very true it is -- we can take it as bad news, and wring our hands in worry. Or we can take it as a sharp prod, to look at what we're doing right now. Right now, we are here, we are alive. THIS, right now -- that's what counts. We have so little control over the future, in ways cancer-specific, and not-cancer-specific.

That live-in-the-now concept was more-easily incorporated into my life in those first few years after diagnosis. A serious diagnosis does narrow the focus and the sense of urgency. Now (10 years out), I have to remind myself repeatedly of the power of that message. But every time I visit that message, I am able to let go all those relatively-unimportant details of life, and to bring my focus, RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT -- to what is important. Because I acknowledge that I might die tomorrow, I savor today. I no longer seek reassurances that I will survive cancer (or life) if only I think the "right" thoughts or do the "right" things. And that is what works for me.

Warm regards,
Debbie Laxague
PS: to clarify again, I do not submit this as an argument that this the only, nor the "right" perspective to embrace after a cancer diagnosis. It's just my way, and I post it here in case others need validation for feelings different than what has been expressed so far in this thread.