[Jean]

It is so sad that this disease takes so much from us. In the early days
of dx. I just about gave up all future plans. Let me share that I am a
major planner (I admit I can plan events that will not happen for years)
I crashed very hard and all my plans went by the way side. This lasted
for about a year...and then I realized that as I feared this beast coming
back each day - it was taking away my daily life and I decided I could
not allow that. I did not buy any new cloths the entire first year thinking
why waste money that my family may need. Did not go away on
a vacation - held off on many things. Also I was so busy fighting for
treatment and living in fear that I did not have the best treatment each
day was a battle.

I just became tired of the fear...and I decided that I would live each and
everyday to the fullest. I also had a real shocker learning that some
close friends just could not understand the concern one has after a bc
dx. I was a bit heart broken when a very close friend for over 25 yrs.
really didn't understand. She kept saying, you caught your cancer early
your fine...when she flew into NY for a long weekend with her family
she did not even call me saying that she knew it was a chemo weekend
and didn't want to bother me. I have not spoken to her since, not out
of anger - but from realizing she is not there for me.

I just made up my mind to enjoy the most of each day and to stop
shaking in fear of this cancer coming back. Yes I still think about it
and I am concerned (of course) but I smile once again, I laugh, I enjoy
my son and husband.

We have just returned late last night from a marvelous adirondack vacation. We sailed, snorkled, fished and swam. Also spent time
on a small island - it was heaven on earth. The fresh mountain air,
the clear lake - it was a perfect vacation. As I sat on the beach looking
out onto the lake and moutains I said I plan on coming back here for many
many years.....I say - make plans and do them....take each day and
own it...

I also said a very special prayer on that Island for all of us.

Hugs,
jean