[v-ness]

hi marcia-

i don't have a long-term survivor story to tell since i just got diagnosed on august 27, BUT having just finished chemo and having had the tumor (albeit a little stage 1 tumor) taken out, i honestly feel like there's no cancer in me. in fact, if it weren't for some minor annoying chemo side effects, i feel healthy as a horse! i have my Fuck Cancer (pardon the french) hat on and that pretty much says it. i think we all will wrestle with fear of recurrence to one degree or another (or progression), but i like to think that if it happens, they will have progressed even further with treatment. i read a post by Vickie H last night that I loved, about living life versus surviving it. the last paragraph started with “Survival is all about numbly going through the motions and just getting by. Living is being aware of every emotional sting and scrape, as well as the joy and delight that happens on a daily basis.” she ended by saying she chooses to live life. i found her post very inspirational, and since then i would rather call myself a 'liver' instead of a survivor. it is extremely sad to see all the losses in this group of late and my mother just said to me over lunch "isn't that depressing?" i said to her that it is more than balanced out by all the wonderful "livers" i see here without whom i might have been a lot more frightened and lonely. i also believe that those who have lost their battle would not want us to turn away from this place and let cancer and grief win. after my husband died i let cancer and grief practically own me, but that's a really crappy way to live. when i got cancer too i could have let it happen all over again, but i REFUSE to. it is huge to lose someone - and here, multiple people - to cancer, but living, and really living life, is the best revenge and exactly what those who've died would want to see us do. a healthy respect for cancer is in order, but living in fear is not really living at all. -valerie