[kvogler]

Thanks for the support everyone. Since July I've handled the pshysical aspects of this disease fairly well. I underestimated how much this can mess your mind as well. Wasn't prepared for that. All my books focused on the body aspects and not the mind. I'm looking foward to my appointment to talk this junk out. I don't even know where I stand hormonally. That could be a component as well. I've been shot into this treatment-induced menopause so quickly that I don't even know my body anymore. I was the type to be weepy the week before my period but now I no longer have any kind of cycle to go by to predict my mood. Kept myself busy today and it was a better day. I'm seeking treatment out-of-state and talked with hubby on the phone. He doesn't show emotion much (I guess most men don't) but he kept trying to keep me on the phone for the longest time. I guess he's hurting too and this is something he can't "fix" for me. I might also be freaking out because a friend of mine passed from cancer at the age of 42 and left her 8 year-old behind right before I left to come up here for treatment. In my mind I know she had a different type of cancer and treatment than me but emotionally it scared me. I'll definately talk to the doctor about how we can keep the anxiety from poking its head so much. I'll just take it one day at a time. Thanks for putting up with my rantings. It helps to hear your stories and takes on the situation. It makes me feel less alone with this situation. I'm just a mental "hot mess" right now as my girlfriends would put it.