[Believe51]

Well, tomorrow is his second treatment and I cannot wait to see what the tumor markers represent. Besides the previous pain issues, not due to the Ixempra, things have been good for him. Although not the proper way to go about appetite control unless the last resort, he has taking 2mg of Decadron twice a day (no roid rage however~tehehe). This lasted only 2 weeks and was a choice made by him, not OncoMan, he will not continue this treatment unless direly needed again. His hunger is sometimes unsatiable, he has been awake and alive, pushing himself to the limits. I cried when he replied to me the other day, "I guess you know by now that I am doing pretty good on this treatment!" Yes My Sweet I did notice! So far no problems with hands and feet, nausea controlled, appetite controlled, pain controlled. This man is living right now, fully living again and I watch this in total amazement. Of course he has always continued to amaze me all along the way. I know he has had only one treatment so far but he and I are so full of hope and pray that this works the magic. It is somehow different this time, if that makes any sense. We are watching his blood work and we will give him Neulasta if needed. He had a small discharge or plug when he blew his nose and although no fever or other symptoms occurred we did get him on an antibiotic before something worse came about. This is just the second time he has had an antibiotic on this journey. Brain MRI was this last Monday and I will update when we find out the results. Please pray for a healthy brain, I feel everything else will work out with time.

Personally, I have been predisposed cleaning out my Mother-in-Laws house. It seems that each time I feel like I am experiencing the worst thing in life, something else is harder in a different way. I had to empty 74 years of her belongings without getting emotionally involved. How I did this I do not know, but I did stumble across little gifts along the way that she meant for me to come by in order to help. One of the most special things she left for me was her prized Amaretto Cheesecake Recipe that rivaled any pastry chefs....Mine now, along with the new cheesecake pans she left. The most precious things I found was a piece of paper that I saved, it had all the information about the Tykerb she was secretly trying to get for him as I worked on the same project. There were many other objects and prizes she strategically left but that would take a special post.

I am going to the house to get the last of the items and I will begin to mourn properly after I can focus better. Even as an Angel now I am still finding out beautiful and priceless ways of this woman. The Celebration of Life really allowed us to keep up with the family, the entire side of her family showed up. It is just Ed now, his family name will die with him unless there is a secret relative we do not know about. We do have plans on a family tree that I can pass down through the ages. All the pictures had smiles on each face and we were so happy to get some closure.

I have been so busy lately and do not mean to be distant but I have had to limit my log in time to 10 minutes at a time. I am still looking for work and really cannot wait to get started with Rose. We have several cancer survivor benefits and cookouts planned. Some friends are taking us out on the boat for a day far away from land and we have a plane ride scheduled with Ed's best friend in his new plane. Next weekend Ed and I will be spending the day in Newport, RI enjoying the nautical ambiance and seafood restaurants. A place we love to spend our summer days and although we cannot do the Cliffwalk or nature walks of the past, we will certainly share the most special things we can with one another.....time, laughter and love.

I love you all and missed spending the time I am used to spending here. Things are more settled now but I still have a million things to do and one of them is to stay in my jammins (pajamas in my talk) for two straight days and relax. And my back and neck are out of play again, go figure!!>>Believe51

PS: Ed and I have never had so many plans scheduled before, it is both weird and comforting. I do not know what this means but I am going with it without reservations. If the big guy cannot make it then we will reschedule, but life cannot ever be on hold anymore. We are once again rebelling against cancer, we are claiming our normalcy!!