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Re: metronomic chemo
Oh Miss Amanda,
That is not the news I was hoping and praying for.
My heart aches for you... Dawn's right, even in writing, you don't sound like yourself.
Please excuse my ignorance about your health system...
but why is Halavan costing you so much out of pocket?
That seems extreme even for the US, where we aren't entitled to universal health care.
If Halavan isn't the silver bullet we hope it is... what's next?
Does your doc have the other options lined up, so you can choose what's best quickly if needs be?
And, please, my dear friend...
may I humbly suggest a minor shift in the way you see/contemplate/plan for the future.
In your post, you said you'd like to be at graduation and Christmas.
My suggested shift... PLAN to be at graduation and Christmas.
I know it's not easy.
I have to talk myself into it too.
Right now Avastin seems to be keeping things stable.
But no one can tell me for how long, or what we do if it stops working.
So, I totally understand your fear and uncertainty.
When you cough... you're reminded.
When I lose my balance, or try to write something... it jumps to the front of my mind.
It's clear to me though that cancer, and my mortality, should NOT have the power to ruin the life I'm still living.
And, it only gets that power if I give it up.
So, I try to consciously deny those things (cancer and dying) the power to drag me down.
Cancer does have the power to ruin my body... I admit that.
But I fight every single day to protect my soul and my spirit...
so cancer can't suck them into that dark, dark place where it thrives.
My goal is to laugh in cancer's face right up until I take my last breath.
I'll go when I decide it's time... not when cancer does...
no matter how sick it makes me.
Cancer is not the boss of me!
Of course, I'm more successful at denying cancer the power to ruin my day on some days than on others.
But, again, I humbly request that you try a little shift in thinking.
Deny cancer the power to hurt your spirit.
And, please PM if you want to chat privately. I don't know how phone rates work for you to call the states, but I think I can call you from here without having to rob a bank to pay the bill... so chatting by phone could work too.
Sending love, prayers, and as much joy as I think your heart can hold!
Denise
__________________
1/11-needle biopsy
2/11-Lumpectomy/axillary node dissection - Stage 3c, ER/PR-14/17 nodes
3/11 - Post-op staph infection,cellulitis, lymphedema,seroma,ARRRGH!
4/12/11-A/C x 4, then T/H x 4, H only,Q3 weeks
8/26/11 finished Taxol!!!
10/7/11 mastectomy/DIEP recon
11/11 radiation x28
1/12/12 1st CANCER-VERSARY!
1/12 Low EF/Herceptin "Holiday" :(
2/12 EF up - Back on Herceptin, heart meds
4/2/1212 surgery to repair separated incision from DIEP recon
6/8/12 Return to work :)
6/17/12 Fall, shatter wrist,surgery to repair/insert plate :(
7/10/12 last Herceptin
7/23/12 Brain Mets %$&#! 3cm and 1cm
8/10/12 Gamma knife surgery, LOTS of steroids;start H/Tykerb
8/23/12 Back to work
12/20/12 Injure back-3 weeks in wheel chair
1/12/13 2nd CANCER-VERSARY!
1/14/13 herniate disk in back - surgery to repair
1/27/13 Radiation necrosis - edema in brain - back on steroids - but not back to work - off balance, poor cordination in right arm
5/3/13 Start Avastin to shrink necrosis
5/10/13 begin weaning steroids
6/18/13 Brain MRI - Avastin seems to be working!
6/20/13 quarterly CT - chest, abdomen, pelvis - All Clear!
7/5/13 finally off steroids!!
7/7/13 joined the ranks of the CHEMO NINJAS I am now Tekuto Ki Ariku cancer assassin!
7/13/13 Symptoms return - back on steroids
7/26/13 Back on Avastin - try again!
8/26/13 Not ready to return to classroom yet :( But I CAN walk without holding onto things! :)
9/9/13 Brain MRI - fingers crossed
“ Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up is for you, and you alone, to decide. ” – Cavett Robert
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