[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Hi Y'all!

In answer to Anda Moo (Mandamoo):

When my 4th stage invasive bc recurred throughout my liver I was surely shaken to the core. I'd been doing everything right, and that was most definitely not supposed to happen! My belief system was shattered. I was deeply depressed and really felt I could die within the year (that was 1998).

We learned I was HER 2 + then, as they didn't check for that ever before. (Herceptin was about to be fast-tracked out of clinical trials as women were being told they had 3 mnths to live and could not gain access to that potentially life-saving drug.)

I discovered the metastasis pretty far into it spreading. Was there a stage 4 1/2? I knew stage 5 was death. And within 2 wks of discovery, reports were already showing even more (obviously rapid) progression! I was terrified.

I was put on Taxotere. 6 wks on and 2 wks off. One mnth in I developed Shingles, while pursuing stem cell transplant specialists, I was seeing my 2nd of 3 and off-handedly showed him this ? bug bite that was really itching! So, I accidentally found it early and began Valtrex immediately. I added some supplements listed in my PRESCRIPTIONS FOR NUTRITIONAL HEALING guidebook, to throw at it.

My onc who administered my chemo said I could not get chemo -- until I no longer had Shingles! I was seriously alarmed. If I didn't get chemo -- I was die! And Shingles could last months, even years...

Within 10 days of major physical suffering and pain (which I had mistakenly thought was the result of Taxotere) I returned to my onc. He was amazed that indeed I was cured. And -- I could get my dose of the freight train drug.

All my limbs ached from deep within. I could not find a comfortable place for myself. My soles felt as if I'd been walking on hot coals. My cheeks bleed when I gently washed my face. My nose bleed for a full half hour in the morning (using 1/2 a box of tissues to keep blowing mucous and blood out). I had neuropathy in my hands and along the outside of my right foot. Numbness that somehow hurt. I was violently nauseous at all times. Felt as if I had the worst flu ever, was clammy, sweating, with chills, felt dizzy, off balance, could not walk so I shuffled, holding on to walls. I had never ending bathroom drama and was up to taking 20 Imodium pills a day. I lived in fear of dying and fear of suddenly exploding in public while racing to the nearest bathroom. I knew where the bathroom was wherever I went. It was my first question.

I developed fluid around my lungs and fluid around my heart. I could barely speak. I had zero strength. I felt as if I was dying. I was frightened by it all.

After 3 mnths, I decided that if only 15% survived what I had -- someone had to be in that group. WHO ARE LIFE'S VICTORS?, I asked myself. They are the most determined, stalwart, tenacious ones who commanded their bodies to survive, no matter what.

I reasoned that I WAS IN A PROCESS, being pulled through rough waters by my lifeline (chemotherapy). I made Taxotere my ally. I endured, KNOWING that in the end -- what I wanted -- 12 yrs down the line -- was making it's way to me!

I decided to live as I had before -- with joy and serenity KNOWING and BELIEVING in my dream!

As I spent lo too many hrs on the toilet I read. I read books that taught me the power of my thoughts. They taught me the impact of my thoughts on my body. That we are each given the power to heal. I consciously chose to connect with that power.

I lived with an open and loving heart, a smile on my face, a sense of peace b/c I owned MY DREAM AND HAD FOUND A WAY TO CALL IT TO ME.

I continuously pushed away all thoughts full of negativity. I secome alert to the sneaky WHAT IFs and I'M JUST AFRAID THATs. I stayed tuned into my body and my thoughts, used self talk regularly, meditated daily, hugged more, met with our most special friends only for dinner (so I could get my husband out of the house with me, laughing and sharing beautiful memories). This fed my Soul, and his.

I'd be laying in bed, motionless throughout the day, Paul was so concerned and worried. I kept reassuring him. He would ask, Do you want me to call and cancel tonight? NO! I would get up, shower and get dressed, put on makeup and my wig, some earrings, and go. You can look pretty darn normal with some effort, and I wanted not to stand out or garner sympathy. Instead I got admiration. I was living with a sense of joy and a serenity that came from my fervent BELIEF!

EVERY THOUGHT IS LIKE A PRAYER. EVERY PRAYER IS A POTENTIAL MIRACLE.

Candles were lit in churches for me. Prayers were said in our Synagogue where I'd volunteered for a dozen yrs. Strangers blessed me. Friends who were spiritual envisioned me encircled in a radiant white light. All that positive energy and love going out in my name had to make an impact!

Here's my reading list, if you care to proactively lift yourself up! I STAND WITH YOU, A!!!

BOOK LIST

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle

Seat of the Soul – Gary Zucav

Your Sacred Self – Wayne Dyer

Manifest Your Destiny – Wayne Dyer

You’ll See It When You Believe It – Wayne Dyer

The Power of Intention – Wayne Dyer

Manifest Your Destiny – Wayne Dyer

Wisdom of the Ages – Wayne Dyer

There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem – Wayne Dyer

Secrets of your own Healing Power

Healing Words – Larry Dossey

Mind Magic – Larry Dossey

The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things – Larry Dossey

Healing Beyond The Body – Larry Dossey

Reinventing Medicine – Larry Dossey

Healing Words – Caryn Goldman

Grace and Grit – Ken Wilbur

Kitchen Table Wisdom – Rachel Naomi Remen

The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho

The Travelers Gift – Andy Andrews

The Singularity Is Near – Ray Kurzweil

Love and Light,
Andi