[europa]

I found myself using the cancer card to explain the radical awakening I was undergoing. Cancer was the best thing that ever could of happened to me. Seriously. Even though it can come back and kill me, I am grateful because I live so differently now, so fully. However, during this transformation and in the midst of Taxol I found that I had little to no patience because I was drained...all the time. I would cut people off because I didn't have the energy to hear them out. And I would use cancer as the excuse. Actually cancer became my excuse for everything. I became selfish and you know what, I am glad I did. For once in my life I thought about me and only me. My partner and I were not getting along to say the least and so one day I came home from treatment, sat next to him on the coach and said: listen, I have cancer, and treamtent is taking over my life. You add to the stress. So you have to leave. It was tough, but it saved me. I also have used the cancer card to get ahead of the line, because I was exhausted and standing for long periods of time was impossible. I used the cancer card once and got upgraded to first class, that was fun. But since leaving treatment and being NED I have noticed that I don't use the card anymore. It's not for me to use anymore because others, like you need to use it. This is your time to be a bit selfish and if someone comments that you are using it too much....just let it roll off your mind. They really don't know what you are feeling inside, so use it. Because of cancer I now have boundaries and take great care of myself and my sould to make sure I am as happy and at peace as much as possible. And sometimes I remind myself that I matter and that I developed cancer and went through a horrible treatment to be here, to be present. So I use the cancer card on myself, to remind myself when I need reminders of how blessed I am to wake up every single day.