[alicem]

Jessica,

Even more so now, this confirms what a blessing it was to be your roomie in San Antonio at SABCS. The stories you told me about your father, as we chatted into the wee hours, made him become so real to me. Getting to know you was like getting to know your Dad, because he lives in you and you are WONDERFUL!! I am sorry that I will never get to know him in person.

I empathize with your confusion in the weeks ahead. I felt the same way in 1999 as I drove to Houston to be with my Mom on what turned out to be her last night on earth. I wanted to pray, but I didn't know what to pray for. On one hand, I didn't want to pray for her to die - what child in their right mind would pray for something like that. I wanted her to live forever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On the other hand, how could I pray for her to live when I knew she would never want to continue living in her current state of health. She had told me that many times, it was why she had a living will. Before I left town I stopped to speak with my Pastor and he gave me wonderful advice. On the 3 hour drive to see her I did not pray for her to get better, nor did I pray for God to take her quickly to end her suffering. Instead, I prayed all the way for that peace which passes all understanding that only God can give. Thank goodness God answered my prayers. Around 4 a.m. she became unusually alert and recognized me. She asked me, a little scared, "Am I going to be alright?" I was able to answer her honestly - "Yes Mom, you are going to be alright". Those were the last words she spoke, and she died peacefully 3 hours later.

Life is not fair, and times like this it is so hard to understand why someone as wonderful as your Dad could have been stricken like this. I pray for peace for you and your loved ones. You remain in my prayers.

~Alice