[Mary Jo]

Hello to all my her2 "sisters!" It has been a long time since I visited the her2 site and I remember when I couldn't stay away. I remember back when I was so very scared. The initial diagnosis...(June 2005) - Mastectomy number 1 (July 2005) - chemo begins (August 2005) - Herceptin starts (Oct. 2005) - Chemo ends (Nov. 2005) - Radiation begins (Dec. 2005) - Radiation ends (Feb. 2006) - Prophylactic mastectomy other breast (March 2006) - Herceptin ends - (October 2006) - Delayed Bilateral DIEP - (June 2008). Ey yi yi - FEAR?......will it ever end?......will I ever be "normal" again?.......will it come back?.......will I ever not think of cancer?........will I ever trust my body again?..........and on and on and on with the questions and fears.
Now......today.......July 23, 2014......It will be 9 years since my first mastectomy on July 28, 2014. Here are the answers to my questions above.....Fear? - Yes, I had much fear. It took time but the fear leaves as you one day realize God gave you today to live. I decided to live in the "today." I didn't know my tomorrow any more than anyone else did and I surely didn't want to waste "today" on worrying about tomorrow. It took a few years to get to that place, but I did. WILL IT EVER END? Oh how I remember those feelings of everyday being something with cancer....whether it was chemo - radiation - side effects - appointments - whatever, you live it day in and day out and wonder if it will ever end. It does for some of us and in all honesty those days are a vague memory for me. The positives that I took away are what is with me still today. WILL I EVER BE 'NORMAL' AGAIN? - My answer in a nut shell.....oh Lord, I hope I never return to the "normal" before cancer. I have learned so much....God has taught me so much. He has taught me the truly important things in life. I can honestly say that breast cancer was a blessing in my life. That very, very, very tough trial.......helped me get to that place I needed to be. WILL IT COME BACK? I think I thought about recurrence the most in the first 3 years. It was a tough time for me. Each ache and pain scared me into thinking "what if." I never was that kind of person before breast cancer. I was healthy and never sick. I trusted my body completely. Breast cancer showed me that yes, it can happen to you. So recurrence seemed very real to me and I use to think....'well it happened to you once....why not again?' I'm over that thinking now and realize that yes, I may get cancer again....but I also may get a lot of things. No one gets out of this life alive (as it were) - so worrying about recurrence I left by the roadside. :-) WILL I EVER NOT THINK OF CANCER? Well, I think about it.....how can you not. It seems everyone has it. But I don't think about it for me personally anymore. I know it's always a possibility but I'd rather spend my energy trying to encourage and help others and let that go. WILL I EVER TRUST MY BODY AGAIN? - It took a while but I do. I try to take care of myself but realize that I really have no control over my body. I couldn't control the first breast cancer and can't control whatever else will happen. One day at a time.
I was diagnosed at 45 with stage 2B her2/neu positive breast cancer. I now am 54....have 4 grandkids and feel incredibly blessed and changed. All because of breast cancer.
I pray I encouraged and helped someone here.