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Andrea Barnett Budin · 05-30-2016, 12:49 PM

I think of her every day. It was 12/12 that she passed.

I prayed so hard. As did many.

Karen was doing great but had active cancer. She declined a stronger chemo (that would cause her to lose her hair, which was her pride and joy). She would tell me, I know it's vain, but I just can't.

She went into the immunotherapy trial in Pennsylvania among the first to do with active cancer. Her body was overwhelmed with the chemo she was on and the tumor burden and the immunotherapy. Her lungs filled w fluid. It was difficult to breathe. A woman who for 5 yrs just kept on going like the energizer bunny was on oxygen, eventually had to have drains put in. Was taking morphine. Napping. Her contact w me became 1 sentence missives. On so many pain meds, her personality changed. She had more drains put in as she couldn't get enough air.

She did it her way. We each have to make those potentially shattering decisions for ourselves. It's a very personal thing. No one wanted to live more than she. For her young dghtr. To live!

Karen's passing was and is among the great losses in my life. I love her so. Still. And forever...

05-30-2016, 12:49 PM	#38
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	Re: Karen has moved on I think of her every day. It was 12/12 that she passed. I prayed so hard. As did many. Karen was doing great but had active cancer. She declined a stronger chemo (that would cause her to lose her hair, which was her pride and joy). She would tell me, I know it's vain, but I just can't. She went into the immunotherapy trial in Pennsylvania among the first to do with active cancer. Her body was overwhelmed with the chemo she was on and the tumor burden and the immunotherapy. Her lungs filled w fluid. It was difficult to breathe. A woman who for 5 yrs just kept on going like the energizer bunny was on oxygen, eventually had to have drains put in. Was taking morphine. Napping. Her contact w me became 1 sentence missives. On so many pain meds, her personality changed. She had more drains put in as she couldn't get enough air. She did it her way. We each have to make those potentially shattering decisions for ourselves. It's a very personal thing. No one wanted to live more than she. For her young dghtr. To live! Karen's passing was and is among the great losses in my life. I love her so. Still. And forever... __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...