[Debbie L.]

Argg. Just lost a post again. It was probably too long, anyway.

Spitfire, I hear and understand your reluctance to ruffle feathers. I tend to be like you. But many on this board have great skills at assertiveness in getting their needs met, and they do not worry about ruffling feathers to find the best solutions for themselves. I hope some of them will chime in with what they did, how they did it, and how well it worked for them.

It seems you have two choices. Decide to put up with what you've got (unsatisfactory relationship with current oncologist and an overly-reactionary primary care doc). Or set aside concerns about ruffling feathers and move forward with meeting other oncologists. LOTS of people change oncologists. Providers who are not okay with this are not good providers. Even within your current oncologist's practice, there may be another onc who would be a better fit for you. Maybe you could make your next follow-up appointment with a different one within the same practice, and see if it feels like a better fit? You may have to adopt an assertive (but polite) "do not take no for an answer" attitude.

Another option, again done very commonly, would be to make a one-time (for now) second opinion consult appointment at an NCI-designated Comprehensive Cancer Center (this may involve travel). You would frame it as a second opinion (not necessarily changing providers) to clarify follow-up strategies. They may not have any additional recommendations, but you'd gain peace of mind knowing you were doing exactly the right things at this point. Plus you'd have your foot in the door, IF you ever need their expertise again. You might also be able to get from them recommendations for providers in your area who are willing to work in a more collaborative and cooperative way.

We're all different. The years after treatment ends are hard for all of us, and we each take different approaches to work thru that time of adjustment. For me, I figured out early-on that the "check-up" visit with my onc was of little value to me. I knew that I'd pick up anything worrisome and act on it, almost certainly before the arbitrarily-timed appointment where I was given a cursory physical exam and asked about symptoms. Symptoms I'd already have reported if I had them. I had to have regular visits as part of the clinical trial I was in, but switched them over to my PCP after the first year. But that's just me. Many people see their oncologist regularly for many years and get great comfort from that approach. Again, your call -- we can offer suggestions but only you can make the decision that works best for you.

Keep us posted, we're rooting for a solution for you.
Debbie