[Lauriesh]

Even though you say that you don't think that you could respect and trust an oncologist, it is imp that you have one because if the cancer returns, you will have a lifelong relationship with them.
I would want to have this lined up before I have a recurrence. Being diagnosed with mets and all of the emotional/ psychological issues that come with it,is not a great time to start interviewing new Oncs to find one that is a good fit with you.
Of course, the odds are you will never become stage 4, but there is that risk that does exist .

I don't love my onc. He has no bedside manner. He is not encouraging. My friends refer to him as dr doom and gloom. But i stay with him because he answers my questions the best he can and treats me as a partner in my care.
I would figure out what your nonnegotiables are in your next onc and start meeting with some. I would ask how many stage 4 breast cancer patients they have, what is your philosophy in treating stage 4 patients, are you willing to try drugs off label for stage 4, etc.

Again, you may never become stage 4, but that is what you need the onc for, the worst case scenario.

Laurie