Kat, as a professional counselor married to a psychologist, we believe that you are not the problem! You definitely need to talk to a professional for help and advice, even if your husband won't. Start with your oncologist, if he is someone you can talk to. He may be able to listen and help you himself or to suggest a counselor who works with cancer patients. Join a support group---this one online is fantastic, but maybe you also need a group to talk with in person, if one is available there. Maybe you can start one with the help of your oncologist or the oncology nurses, whom I have found to be wonderfully supportive and caring. You have taken an important step by talking with the wonderful people on this site, because often the hardest part of the problem is admitting there is a problem. We often feel we have to be "loyal" to our mates, no matter how they treat us. This is typical of abused wives. Don't wait for your husband to go to counseling, he may refuse. You go alone if he won't go . A good counselor will not tell you what to do, he or she will help you see your options. Think about options. Do you have to stay with your husband because of insurance or to have a home? It is extremely difficult to see options when you are not feeling well physically and emotionally. But find support somewhere. There has to be someone who can help you. Tell them what you have told us. It appears to me that the problem is not with you making yourself more attractive, but with a husband you may not be able to please no matter what you do. All of us here can see what a special person you are, and you do not deserve to be treated badly! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. And if you want to email my husband and me for what counseling we can give you online, please don't hesitate to do so. My email is
pairadox1@beyondbb.com. And no matter what you decide to do, keep in touch with us here, this is a caring, loving and understanding place! Hugs, Tricia