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dlaxague · 08-02-2008, 07:24 AM

Pinkgirl said: I've always thought. Now, the optomists in our group are trying to set me straight. So now I'm wondering why we are always crossing our fingers, sending good vibes and praying for each other.
Why are we all basket cases when we're having scans? I took out my garage door while waiting for MRI results. If all of us here have had surgery, chemo, radiation, on tamox. or an AI, then we probably won't recur, right? But we keep on being scared and we post about mind/body stuff and how to meditate and relax and handle our stress from this disease. Has that all been for nothing??? According to what I've read on this thread, the majority of us are not going to recur; we're going to live to be little old ladies and die from something else. I am confused.

Well, for some of us, the odds are or were less rosy than "probably won't recur", regardless of intensity of treatment. In this discussion we are talking global figures but some had worse details than others at primary diagnosis and others are still trying to find effective treatments for stage IV.

I think that after primary diagnosis the level of fear-of-recurrence, though, is probably more related to each individual's perception of the threat than it is to actual threat. Some who statistically have a 96% chance of survival may leave bc in the dust and move on - certain that they are cured. Others may experience lingering concerns. 'Same could be said of the other way 'round. (96% chance of recurrence). Again, the statistics tell what happens to large groups of women but have nothing to say about what will happen to any one individual. There are no guarantees.

I think what all our discussions about anxiety and fear are really about is accepting uncertainty. But everyone's life is uncertain. No one's life (even the sweetest, healthiest newborn's) is certain. We've just experienced a higher-level alert than most, in this regard. We can use that alert to explore and grow. I see that as an opportunity for which I am grateful. Cancer is just one of so many things that can afflict people. I do not see it as a "terrible disease". I do not hate it. Everyone has burdens. This one just happens to be one of ours.

For myself, I'm no longer scared. I mostly let go of scared about a year after diagnosis. This is not to say that I believe that I will never recur and die. I know and acknowledge that possibility. Sometimes, in fact, I "use" that possibility to remind myself to focus on what's important.

Whoa. Rambling alert.

Debbie Laxague

08-02-2008, 07:24 AM	#56
dlaxague Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 221	long and rambly Pinkgirl said: I've always thought. Now, the optomists in our group are trying to set me straight. So now I'm wondering why we are always crossing our fingers, sending good vibes and praying for each other. Why are we all basket cases when we're having scans? I took out my garage door while waiting for MRI results. If all of us here have had surgery, chemo, radiation, on tamox. or an AI, then we probably won't recur, right? But we keep on being scared and we post about mind/body stuff and how to meditate and relax and handle our stress from this disease. Has that all been for nothing??? According to what I've read on this thread, the majority of us are not going to recur; we're going to live to be little old ladies and die from something else. I am confused. Well, for some of us, the odds are or were less rosy than "probably won't recur", regardless of intensity of treatment. In this discussion we are talking global figures but some had worse details than others at primary diagnosis and others are still trying to find effective treatments for stage IV. I think that after primary diagnosis the level of fear-of-recurrence, though, is probably more related to each individual's perception of the threat than it is to actual threat. Some who statistically have a 96% chance of survival may leave bc in the dust and move on - certain that they are cured. Others may experience lingering concerns. 'Same could be said of the other way 'round. (96% chance of recurrence). Again, the statistics tell what happens to large groups of women but have nothing to say about what will happen to any one individual. There are no guarantees. I think what all our discussions about anxiety and fear are really about is accepting uncertainty. But everyone's life is uncertain. No one's life (even the sweetest, healthiest newborn's) is certain. We've just experienced a higher-level alert than most, in this regard. We can use that alert to explore and grow. I see that as an opportunity for which I am grateful. Cancer is just one of so many things that can afflict people. I do not see it as a "terrible disease". I do not hate it. Everyone has burdens. This one just happens to be one of ours. For myself, I'm no longer scared. I mostly let go of scared about a year after diagnosis. This is not to say that I believe that I will never recur and die. I know and acknowledge that possibility. Sometimes, in fact, I "use" that possibility to remind myself to focus on what's important. Whoa. Rambling alert. Debbie Laxague __________________ 3/01 ~ Age 49, occult primary announced by large axillary node found by my husband. Multiple CBE's, mammogram, U/S could not find anything in the breast. Axillary node biopsy - pathology said + for "mets above diaphragm, probably breast". 4/01 ~ Bilateral mastectomies (LMRM, R simple) - 1.2cm IDC was found at pathology. 5 of 11 axillary nodes positive, largest = 6cm. Stage IIIA ERPR 5%/1% (re-done later at Baylor, both negative at zero). HER2neu positive by IHC and FISH (8.89). Lymphovascular invasion, grade 3, 8/9 modified SBR. TX: Control of arm of NSABP B-31's adjuvant Herceptin trial (no Herceptin): A/C x 4 and Taxol x 4 q3weeks, then rads. Arimidex for two years, stopped after second patholgy opinion.