HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post

CoolBreeze · 12-18-2013, 09:52 PM

I'm sure she had no idea that her words were hurtful. But it's good you are not denying your anger and your feelings - that's a positive step. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. Now just take them a step farther.

As a person with metastatic disease, I sometimes envy people like you, who got the disease, got through treatment, and got to go on with their lives. (Yes, I know it can come back but the possibility and the reality are not the same thing, not even close). I never made it a year past treatment and have been in therapy four years continuously - four years of chemo, surgeries, hospitalizations, treatments, all just to extend my life a little. My goal is to see my son graduate high school - he was 12 when I was diagnosed.

You probably had no idea that a metastatic women could be bothered by your complaint, right?

(I'm not bothered, just putting things in perspective). We all have bad things happen to us and the person next to us might have something worse. That's just the way life is. You can't be bitter about what happened to you - look what you can do - raise a child, do treatment, find the beauty in life while going through all of that. You did an amazing thing and you should be proud of yourself.

So, forgive her. Be happy for her, because you definitely don't want her to have to go through what you did, right? I don't want you to go through what I've gone through. It is not easy dying while you have a teenager either.

People live their lives and they are not thinking about your situation all the time, nor are they able to understand what they haven't experienced. If your friend and you have too many differences because you are in different places (she childless) than that is normal - people grow apart.

I think therapy is a good idea for every woman who has been through a cancer experience. It does change you but it shouldn't be forever. At some point, you have to get back to a regular life and not be thinking of yourself as the person with cancer, and therapy can help with that. Yes, you had a rough time. It's over now, so try to enjoy your baby and your life the way it is, and think about what you have accomplished.

*hugs*

12-18-2013, 09:52 PM	#19
CoolBreeze Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 562	Re: Messed up emotionally I'm sure she had no idea that her words were hurtful. But it's good you are not denying your anger and your feelings - that's a positive step. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. Now just take them a step farther. As a person with metastatic disease, I sometimes envy people like you, who got the disease, got through treatment, and got to go on with their lives. (Yes, I know it can come back but the possibility and the reality are not the same thing, not even close). I never made it a year past treatment and have been in therapy four years continuously - four years of chemo, surgeries, hospitalizations, treatments, all just to extend my life a little. My goal is to see my son graduate high school - he was 12 when I was diagnosed. You probably had no idea that a metastatic women could be bothered by your complaint, right? (I'm not bothered, just putting things in perspective). We all have bad things happen to us and the person next to us might have something worse. That's just the way life is. You can't be bitter about what happened to you - look what you can do - raise a child, do treatment, find the beauty in life while going through all of that. You did an amazing thing and you should be proud of yourself. So, forgive her. Be happy for her, because you definitely don't want her to have to go through what you did, right? I don't want you to go through what I've gone through. It is not easy dying while you have a teenager either. People live their lives and they are not thinking about your situation all the time, nor are they able to understand what they haven't experienced. If your friend and you have too many differences because you are in different places (she childless) than that is normal - people grow apart. I think therapy is a good idea for every woman who has been through a cancer experience. It does change you but it shouldn't be forever. At some point, you have to get back to a regular life and not be thinking of yourself as the person with cancer, and therapy can help with that. Yes, you had a rough time. It's over now, so try to enjoy your baby and your life the way it is, and think about what you have accomplished. hugs __________________ http://butdoctorihatepink.com 08/17/09 Dx'd. Multifocal/multicentric IDC, largest 3.4 cm, associated ADH, LCIS, DCIS HER2+ ER+/PR- Grade 3, Node Negative 10/20/2009: Right mastectomy, reconstruction with TE 12/02/2009: Six rounds TCH, switched to Taxol halfway through due to neuropathy 03/31/2010: Finished chemo 05/01/2010: Began tamoxifen, the worst drug ever 11/18/2010: Reconstruction completed 12/02/2010: Finished herceptin 05/21/2011: Liver Mets. Quit Tamoxifen 06/22/2011: Navelbine/Zometa/Herceptin 10/03/2011: Liver Resection, left lobe. Microwave ablation, right lobe - going for cure! 11/26/2011: C-Diff Superbug Infection, "worst case doctor had seen in 20 years" 03/28/2012: Progression in ablated section of the liver - no more cure. Started Abraxane, continue herceptin/zometa 10/10/2012: Progression continues, started Halaven, along with herceptin and zometa. 01/15/2013: Progression continues, started Gemzar and Perjeta, an unusual combo, continuing with herceptin and zometa 03/13/2013: Quit Gemzar, body just won't handle it. Staying on herceptin, zometa and perjeta. 04/03/2013: CT shows 50% regression in tumor, so am starting back on Gemzar with dose reduction, staying with perjeta/herceptin/zometa. Can't argue with success! 05/09/2013: Discussing SBRT with Radiology due to inability of bone marrow to recover from chemo. 06/07/2013: Fiducial placement for SBRT 07/03/2013: Chemo discontinued, on Perjeta, Herceptin and Zometa alone 07/25/2013: SBRT (gamma knife) begins 08/01/2013: SBRT completed 08/15/2013: STABLE! continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 06/18/2014: *** NED!!!!*** continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin, Zometa 01/29/2014: Still NED. continuing with Perjeta, Herceptin. Zometa lowered to every 3 months instead of monthly. 11/08/2015: Progression throughout abdomen and lungs. Started TDM-1, aka Kadcyla. Other meds discontinued. Remission was nice while it lasted. 5/27/18: Stable. Kadcyla put me right back in the barn. I have two teeny spots on my lungs that are metabolically inactive, and liver is clean. I’m beating this MFer. I was 51 when this started and had two kids, 22 and 12. Now I’m 60. My oldest got married and trying to start s family. My youngesg graduates from Caltech this June. My stepdaughter gave me grandkids. Life is fantastic.