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Andrea Barnett Budin · 12-08-2013, 04:52 PM

Oh the list is long. Having lunch with another couple who know well my situation -- 4th stage bc, mastectomy, chemo, blah, blah... She rattles on and on about the doc telling her she needs a breast reduction and how upsetting this is. b/c her breasts are her friends, and she loves them, just the way they are.

Guess tram flap reconstruction wouldn't please her either, or fighting for your life...

Then there are the ones speaking of their implants and saying how happy they are with these oversized in my opinion boobs. And I think, oh how I'd wished I could have been a candidate for implants but they couldn't save the skin...

And I recall how the nurses told me, encouragingly that I would have even better boobs after the implants (not knowing I wasn't a candidate).

One friend asked in '95, What stage are you? And I couldn't answer. My husband told her 4th stage. She said, I don't even know -- how many stages are there?? Again, I was mute (which is really odd for me). Paul said, 4... There are only 4 stages. And she gasped, OH...!!!

In '98, after the bc metastasized throughout my liver, friends would ask, You're still on chemotherapy?!!! How long do you have to stay on it?? And I'd pause, and then say -- forever. And their faces would go pale and their eyes glaze...

I had been told in '98 that what I had was inoperable, incurable and that I would be on long-term chemotherapy for the rest of my life. I did 10 yrs of Herceptin. Have been 5 yrs off and remain stable.

The insensitivity is endless. Dumbness knows no bounds.

Some "friends" would hide from me in different aisles in the supermarket or drug store. They didn't know what to say... It was too upsetting to them. Made them think of their aunt.

These "friends" were always there with a big hug when they'd see me previously. Always up to ask for a favor. And then they dumped me.

I am over such people.

We here, have one another, and that helps enormously. All the posts above have so much wisdom to offer.

There is just no excuse for ignorance and lack of compassion. The self-absorbed aren't going to change.

Are you going to die? Not for a long while is my answer. I plan on living... Hope you'll keep me company, ladies.

With Love and Light,
Andi

12-08-2013, 04:52 PM	#9
Andrea Barnett Budin Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: LAND OF YES! w/home in Boca Raton, Florida Orig from L.I., N.Y. Ever hovering IN THE NOW... Posts: 1,904	Re: Messed up emotionally Oh the list is long. Having lunch with another couple who know well my situation -- 4th stage bc, mastectomy, chemo, blah, blah... She rattles on and on about the doc telling her she needs a breast reduction and how upsetting this is. b/c her breasts are her friends, and she loves them, just the way they are. Guess tram flap reconstruction wouldn't please her either, or fighting for your life... Then there are the ones speaking of their implants and saying how happy they are with these oversized in my opinion boobs. And I think, oh how I'd wished I could have been a candidate for implants but they couldn't save the skin... And I recall how the nurses told me, encouragingly that I would have even better boobs after the implants (not knowing I wasn't a candidate). One friend asked in '95, What stage are you? And I couldn't answer. My husband told her 4th stage. She said, I don't even know -- how many stages are there?? Again, I was mute (which is really odd for me). Paul said, 4... There are only 4 stages. And she gasped, OH...!!! In '98, after the bc metastasized throughout my liver, friends would ask, You're still on chemotherapy?!!! How long do you have to stay on it?? And I'd pause, and then say -- forever. And their faces would go pale and their eyes glaze... I had been told in '98 that what I had was inoperable, incurable and that I would be on long-term chemotherapy for the rest of my life. I did 10 yrs of Herceptin. Have been 5 yrs off and remain stable. The insensitivity is endless. Dumbness knows no bounds. Some "friends" would hide from me in different aisles in the supermarket or drug store. They didn't know what to say... It was too upsetting to them. Made them think of their aunt. These "friends" were always there with a big hug when they'd see me previously. Always up to ask for a favor. And then they dumped me. I am over such people. We here, have one another, and that helps enormously. All the posts above have so much wisdom to offer. There is just no excuse for ignorance and lack of compassion. The self-absorbed aren't going to change. Are you going to die? Not for a long while is my answer. I plan on living... Hope you'll keep me company, ladies. With Love and Light, Andi __________________ Andi BB '95 post-meno dx Invasive LOBULAR w/9cm tumor! YIKES + 2/21 nodes. Clear mammo 10 mnths earlier. Mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT/8 mnths chemo (4Adria/8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen 2 yrs. Felt BLESSED. I could walk and talk, feed and bathe myself! I KNEW I would survive... '98 -- multiple mets to liver. HER2+ 80%. ER/PR- Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast. New PORT. 9 mnths Taxotere Fought fire w/fire! Pronounced in cautious remission 5/99. Taxotere weekly for 6 wks, 2 wks off -- for 9 mnths. TALK ABOUT GRUELING! (I believe they've altered that protocol since those days -- sure hope so!!) + good old Vit H wkly for 1st 3 yrs, then triple dosage ev 3 wks for 7 yrs more... The "easy" chemo, right?! Not a walk in the park, but not a freight train coming at 'ya either... Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked it for met bc). Stayed w/Vit H till July '08! Now I AM FREE! Humbly and eternally grateful for this life-saving drug! NED since '99 and planning on keeping it that way. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! STOPPED VIT H JULY '08...! REMAIN STABLE... Eternally grateful...Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skillfully curled) all worlds ... (e e cummings) EVERY DAY I BEAT MY PREVIOUS RECORD FOR # OF CONSECUTIVE DAYS I'VE STAYED ALIVE. Smile KNOWING you too can be a miracle. Up to me and God now...